The yellow in the early dawn
To show Appolo of the way
To climb into the jungle sky
For another torrid day.

A young man stood, he stretched his arms.
He looked about at us.
We just were stirring, yawning,
Trying not to make a fuss.

His head snapped back, he fell to earth,
He quivered and was still
Few seconds, then a shot was heard
One shot, and one sure kill

We did not move, no bird did fly
No creature moved his head.
There in the dawn, no flower stirred,
But one young man was dead.

Terry

Gosh, your style had changed. Really like this poem Terry, it still has a cartoon
element to it but you've really knocked it back, more space too!!

Way to go!!!

Alexi

On a more personal level, the poem has some nice character observations (the shuffling!):-

"We just were stirring, yawning,
Trying not to make a fuss."

... and I like the way that the shot is heard after death envisaged. Obviously serious subject matter, I hope the poem is not based on an experience actually encountered.

Alexi

Quang Tri province early March 1964.

Terry

Terry: You have well described "shocked silence" and I can feel the emotion in this piece. I knew it had to be from a true experience..sadly..
Ell

Terry,

I've heard similar tales, death can come just that quickly in war. A very good read.

john

That was a long shot!

I do believe that I would have lost my mind rather quickly in such a war. I really admire you for being the man that you are. Your spirit is better than mine dear friend.

Live long and prosper!

~Long is the way, and hard, that out of hell leads up to the light.~

"Show me a hero and I shall write you a tragedy."

I LOVE YOU! (God does too.)

Terry-

Good stuff.
I had to check back on 'Friendly Fire'. Quang Tri mentioned there too.



Jack

Alexi, how does this piece have a "cartoon element" to it?

Terry, by far one of the best I have read by you...Death is so ugly and shocking.

Like the poem life is short and, death does comes very quickly.

We did not move, no bird did fly
No creature moved his head.
There in the dawn, no flower stirred,
But one young man was dead.

Thank you for sharing.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. (Aristotle)

Terry,

I'm glad you survived.

pam

The horror in this piece is real, Terry. I can't seem to find any words.......God pity the innocents.....

tempest

Gwydion, see Coen brothers' Fargo as example(rather than Disney!!)


Lexi

Terry,

Touching emotional piece. 40 years and the images as vivid
as if it was yesterday. In the blink of an eye....how fragil life is.
Makes me appreciate life and how precious it is. Also makes you realize how many have sacrificed so much. These same sacrifices and losses are being tolled on our troops everyday. God bless the soldier you write of....and all that he symbolizes.
Hope you are well,

Anthony

And of course I missed this, but not too late to comment I hope.

I think the last verse is great, time stood still for a moment and I think that instant stays ingrained in your memory for a very long time.

JP



Post Edited (02-27-04 00:12)

bump for Me!

I think Me's gotta get a real name. I missed this somehow, Terry. Probably posted during the period I was off for my move to town.

The tragedy of war is never easily fathomed by those of us on the sidelines. The stark reality that the man who lay dying could be you/me is brought home here. Reminds me of the Thomas Hardy poem, "The Man He Killed".

Les

simply wow. i cant be more construcutive except maybe to prepare my retirement from this forum. your style has improved with a weight untold, bore heavily upon shoulders unborn. sorry that sentence didnt make any sense, i mean you have a weight that can not be carried nor put down. i dont have the words really. just wow.

BODS

Twotenrench,
Man! you did great. I've lost myself in the silence and movement. people say that would lose their minds in war, but its not true. It's awfull to say, but you really do get use to the sounds of war. I was in an field artillary unit and could sleep through the niose--after 3 months. Twotenrench, your describing infantry battles. Man i applaud you for doing what you did; however, i also feel for you for doing what you did. I know how hard it was and don't wish this apon anyone.

Keep it simple!

bump for 11 Nov 2021

It hits like a sniper, too, Terry. Straight to the heart. H.

[www.emule.com] />
[www.youtube.com]

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/11/2021 07:58PM by lg.

brash self serving bump for Tom. Les, I did not see the utube thing. Thank you.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/19/2009 02:00AM by Merc.

Hey Terry, there's no need to apologize for this or any other bump - especially given your reason.

Joe

The suddenness of it. A shock. More so when you see it happen. No reasons explain sufficiently.

Thanks, Terry, for bringing it back.

Peace,

Peter

We did not move, no bird did fly
No creature moved his head.
There in the dawn, no flower stirred,

The sudden stillness is deafening--immediate
suspension of neurologic, sensory awareness
followed by severe cognitive disorientation
and confusion. Your poem sounds as if it might
have been written by an observor high above
the jungle canopy of ever dripping palm stench
and stink of heat. Almost clinical but only
because the biological response to this unforseen,
exogenous event forced a detached,emotion-blunted,
brevity to your language and form. Yet, your poem
as a tool for sharing the experience is far superior
to the pseudo-scientific blandness of the impersonal,
clinical and hyper-constrained vocabulary of medical
science professionals they are forced to use no matter what
I ask them to read as much war poetry as possible but
will not suggest a poem unless it is this poem which
serves the classics well. Now I congratulate the poet
on this contemporary post which I think gives undeniable
proof that poetics when created by capable hands transcends
rigidity of linear thinking and approaches the mysterious
language of subatomic particles when they communicate as
measured by the giant accelerators. Great and timely bump Merc. tom

Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 04/19/2009 09:12PM by easyeverett.

Maybe I should have charged more.