Boyhood Wish
By Terry Johnson

When I was young, I thought of slaughter,
Of the self, I was remorse,
I did nothing of the deed
To live on was, the only course.
I took to danger, all my life,
I dared the fates, “you can’t kill me,
I will stare you in the face,
And Satan’s eyes, I dare to see.

I jumped from airplanes in the sky,
I fought in wars in foreign lands,
I took people out to freedom,
From behind Eastern German bands,
Some who met me, passed this life,
And left it by my own device.
I danced with Thanotos each evening,
Survived being wounded twice.

But then I found the sunset pleasing,
To sit and watch it with my wife,
As the night came on like silence,
Knew the value of the life.
The golden of the eastern sky,
When the day brought new to see
Was the promise that more joy,
Would grace the world , just for me.

I still worked at testing danger,
Fought the fires from the air,
But, I had turned to be more caring,
And gone it seemed, was need to dare,
I felt I’d grown to be a man,
Strong, and honest in my deed,
Doing work most can not do,
Charioteer of iron steed.

A fire started in my bowels,
A pain that seared, would not be quenched,
It seemed that happiness I’ve found,
From my life would now be wrenched,
The pain was growing in my side,
It felt as if I were on fire,
The doctor looked with solemn eyes,
You have achieved boyhoods desire.

Malignancy,, pancreas, colon, liver.

Terry

No Terry! Not you!
God what can I say.
Please say this is just another poem.
JP

well terry looks like you found desire in your family. you became more caring when your life took a course turn, after getting married, and seeing new life form right in front of you is when you changed your perception of life, though other things never change!

Salma.

This poem is a thought in all of our minds as our maturity marches on.
Well put......and most understandable...

It is often questioned by the ignorant and foolhardy why some men value God, family, friends, good health and good times above material wants and needs.

At times like this described in your poem, the realism of faith in our God and our life's deeds do indeed matter. Our legacy is what we have done, how we have treated our family and friends and how we have helped make the world a better place.

Terry, you have helped make the world a better place. God bless you!

Les

Wish it were JP... wish it were.

Terry

Terry: Bad News...this is bad news---the test is a piece of cake--the results---well--it depends on the results. I am so sorry-

You have the biggest fight of your life to face--God love you and help you and yours to deal with whatever follows...........

tears are falling..........

Ell

Terry, I started and re-started a response to this piece over and over again, but what does one say? I am very sorry about the news it conveys and want you to know that Jackie and I are thinking of you and are praying for you. May the spirit of our Heavenly Father give you and yours courage and comfort in the days ahead. jhs

Terry,
My last poem ended with these two lines-

...Sometimes sorrow needs reminders,
Not to overlook the good.

So in my sorrow for you, and your family, I'm trying to remember the good.
I am so glad that I have been privileged to know you through this forum.
You have been a source of humour, inspiration and courage, and I pray these will help you get through this. I got into the habit of looking for your comments about the poems I posted, you always had the nicest things to say.
So from your favorite English poet....
I love you Terry Johnson, thankyou for being.
JP

Thank you all. JP,, I have grown to love you too. You have such a wonderful spirit.
It does my heart good to see all the references to God and prayer. I strongly believe in both.
Please know, I am not done. I was born tough and I've stayed tough. First thing they are going to do is take a slice off my liver. Then, a chunk of the large intestine. (I won't need a bag). Then pump me so full of poison that no mere cancer can live. As Mr. Thomas said, "Do not go gentle into that good good night." I will not.

Terry

Terry old boy, don't give up yet!

I have something that I wish to send you, something I have been writing on and off for years now, and although in recent years it has been simply gathering the information and not compiling it into the text, none the less it has been progressing.

It is a health guide and was inspired by a man that I know, who in '78 was told that he had cancer, and only six months to live. Terry, he was doctor, and he said they were wrong. He is still alive today Terry, AND cancer free.
So no giving up here.

If it is truly your time, and God needs you eslewhere, why that is one thing, but I would like to call to your attention the parable of the talents. Invest your hopes Terry, and you will profit threefold, but do not bury them.

There is a lot of quite understandable doom and gloom going on here right now, and if I let myself, I too will sorrow for a good friend, but frankly, until that flag is draped I am not ready to believe that you can't make it through this.

First off Terry, you will need to give up all meat, start cooking with only olive oil (which is one of the best anti-carcinigens out there, which by the way, saved my dog Taboo from a malignacy two years ago). Eat lots of cabbage, yams, carrots, and other things that are high in Beta carotene. You can still eat sushi, as long as you avoid the salty stuff, and the Marlin.

Anyway. I will start work on my guide again, but will mail you what I have in the mean time. Hate to say this buddy; but no more coffee saucered and blowed... 'tis tea time for you Terry, from this point forward.

You are a warrior. Time to fight the good fight!

With love,
Brucefur

See then i ask some is it really what you want a knife at the wrist,but truely there are those like you out there with troubles like this and complaints,or wants to die,but to those who do this should be them. Even though i do not wish it upon anyone it didn't have to be you. Good luck Terry you are a good person. Also very talented. Nice poem.

"To write something, you have to risk making a fool of yourself." Anne Rice

Thank you all. The operation is today. They are going to try to do both the liver and intestine. Letcha know.

Terry

Hey Terry---just because I shed a tear did not mean I thought all is lost...when one receives "bad" news---one must grieve at the news
and accept and then prepare for battle............

here is Ell praying for you
and crossing my fingers and my toes

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Remember the B&O boys, tough critters.
You'll take a piece of my heart with you.
Expect to be hearing from you soon.
JP

Ell, I found this quote that struck me.

"Grief is not a problem to be cured. It is simply a statement that you have loved someone." ~ Barbara Baumgardner

exactly JP--thanks for sharing---Grief is something to accept---it is a part of one's existence---and it is because you care! hugs Ell

bump

Obviously the pancreas was misdiagnoised, or I'd be reading this from a cloud,, or a furnace room.

Anyway, it's much sooner caught this time. And less is planned to fix it.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/27/2008 02:04PM by Merc.

what do you always say to us? ya done good, ya done real good.

good poem from a good man.

like i said before...

If what I understand you to be saying is so, Terry, godspeed for treatment and full recovery. Good thoughts and prayers go out to you.

Mary

I second what Mary said Terry, sounds like you and your doctors are doing the right thing. We wish you a speedy recovery.


Les

Positive thoughts your way, Terry, that everything will work out

We'll be praying for you in church today and will continue until I hear you've kicked cancer's butt once again, which you will do.

Joe

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/28/2008 08:12AM by hpesoj.

I too add to the wishes and prayers for your recovery soon, Terry. Be well!!

K.Q.

Terry [Merc],

Every moment, what is it the Romans used to say?...carpe diem...human life is always a work in progress...I go to three or four funerals every five or six months and remind my friends that our friends live with us, it is our responsibility to keep them in the world when they pass, through what we do as well as in our memories...but I am not good with death...up close, I hate the bastard (as Hawkeye used to say)...but all that talk is just talk and premature...I think you, like me, have known living in and through the present, creating the future to live in for years now...If you decide to go, I will be diminished.

"The secret worlds are not regenerated.

And every time again and again
I make my lament against destruction."

Yevgeny Yevtushenko, "People"

btw, Merc, don't let anybody write a premature obituary for you. We in this forum have witnessed that the world has quite a bit to deal with in its struggle with you these last five years.

be well,

Peter

Let no man write my epitaph. When my nation shall take her place amongst the nations of the earth.......... oh wait, that has been done.

My emptiph should read, "If you can read this, and see anyone else, he is not where he wishes he was"


Thanks ya'll. I'm not a quiter. But Carol and I have had the conversation that if this goes south, I will fight with all that is in me, however, when I tell her the fight is over, she is not to be selfish. She is to let me go. I do not fear death, I only fear loss of life.