It is dark through the tunnels
But, every time we pull into a new station,
I am rewarded with a glimpse of her soft cheek

and her full perfect lips;
her thigh resting against my thigh
as she reads Salinger; and

sometimes, when she turns a page,
her elbow touches mine and
she turns to me, smiling sweetly.

I resist every temptation
holding you still and
gloved on my knee;

until I get home and release you,
throwing my coat carelessly
on a chair, leaving my shoes on.

I am stiff as Golem
by the time you relieve the buttons
of their burden and seize me

your first touch initiates
a stampede - millions
of sharp-footed insects scale my skin.

I close my eyes, and
remember the non-conformist girl who
made the train smell like lilacs.

lol

i was writing a poem about a girl accross me on the bus
but it was pretty bad so i didn't post

funny, the natural flow of ideas

but the point is...

i don't know what the point is.

you don't know the point of what? my poem?

no i think i "get" the poem... just my post has no real direction

albert
post your poem too

hey, it's the return of the horndog. i like it, jay. especially the last stanza. 'tis lovely.

skye

hey Jay,
I really liked your poem, it encompassed a guys sexual desires...but phrased the incident in a beautiful manner.
That's what it's about right? You totally dig the chick...oh sorry woman, and it's about you holding your desires in...let me know if i'm way off

Also ALBERT post your poem the rest of us want to read!!! it doesn't matter if it's not done! post PLEASE

ROCK ON!
Sarcastically sound-althea...mel

Whoa! blinks and does a double-take Wow... threw me off with the "stiff" line! Lol... wow. Umm.. okay! I'll have to come back to this, I'm hungry and my dad's food smells good, but I will be back as I see places for critique.

Overall, I like it.

Lady of the Night

It is dark through the tunnels,
but every time we pull into a new station,
I am rewarded with a glimpse of her soft cheek

and her full perfect lips;
her thigh resting against my thigh
as she reads Salinger; and

sometimes, when she turns a page,
her elbow touches mine and
she turns to me, smiling sweetly.

I resist every temptation,
holding you still and
gloved on my knee,

until I get home and release you,
throwing my coat carelessly
on a chair, leaving my shoes on.

I am stiff as Golem
by the time you relieve the buttons
of their burden and seize me.

Your first touch initiates
a stampede - millions
of sharp-footed insects scale my skin.

I close my eyes, and
remember the non-conformist girl who
made the train smell like lilacs.


The fourth stanza confuses me, Jay. Who is wearing the glove? Is she on your knee? It's a subway.. how could she be on your knee? Is her leg over yours? Love the stampede, thought the "sharp-footed" almost signifies the feeling of pin-pricks. I'm not a guy, but for me, the feeling I think you're talking about isn't pin-pricks; but maybe it works differently for men. And I'm curious... umm... what or who is Golem? Your answer will probably make me turn every shade of red, like the time I asked what "consummate" meant, but I'll get over it. Love the word "seize." LOVE the last line, as I read it in two different ways. A) She wears a lilac scent and b) figuratively, taking a "smelly" train and making it figuratively smell so much more beautiful by only her presence. Also curious again.. who is Salinger? No need to explain in the poem, but for my own personal enjoyment, who is it? You're observant enough to notice where I changed your punctuation; I don't need to do my millions of s.

I love this poem, Jay. Makes me jealous... lol. I want a boyfriend/husband who will feel this way about me! Sure, Angelito loves me and all, but I don't know if he feels *this way about me (probably kinda difficult since we're 3000-some miles apart), and I can only hope he will! You're not as prickly as I thought

Lady of the Night

Lady of the Night,

i agree with you, i totally loved that last line

Jay, i liked this poem too

urm . i would post the poem , but my desktop just died, cuz of stupid java sdk installation gone horribly wrong ... so i cant post right now =( cries
the jist of it was basically

there sits an amazing beauty right infront of u
and dart ur eyes around nervously lookikng absolutely everywhere
except at the girl..
then when u look at her , she looks at u , and u feel all embarressed...

and such... blah blah dont remember
she gets off the bus, and u never see her again...

went something along the lines of

before me sits this heavenly creature
on this bare blue bleacher

something something

something about glaring...

i really don't recall semantics right now !!

Well let's have 'er when ya can!

Lady of the Night

Thank you everyone for your comments!

Althea came pretty close. Basically, the poem is about a guy who sees a beautiful woman on the subway and instead of introducing himself to her, he goes home and well - pleasures himself.

Megan, I can't believe you don't know who J.D. Salinger, author of Catcher in the Rye, is! I'm so disappointed.

As for Golem: The Golem is a statue created by Rabbi Yehuda Leow to protect the people of Prague from pogrom. Apparently, it is still hidden within the walls of the synagogue in Prague where Leow originally hid it.

As for who is wearing the glove: The answer is the guy's hand!

I resist every temptation,
holding you still and
gloved on my knee,

until I get home and release you, (takes off the glove)
throwing my coat carelessly
on a chair, leaving my shoes on.

I am stiff as Golem
by the time you relieve the buttons (uses hand to undo pants)
of their burden and seize me.


Need I say more??

Finally, regarding the lilac. Nice job picking up on it. I'm going to go with your "b" option. Lilac is one of my favourite scents and a beautiful woman is the closest thing to it. Although, "a" could work too.

Jay

Okay, you just confused me more. You said the guy is wearing the glove, takes it off when he gets home, uses the hand (I assume the gloved hand) to relieve the buttons..... but you said "you relieve...." so that means the girl's hand. And I looked Golem up in Google or some such and it said it's a robot? Angelito said the same thing. And I've heard of the Catcher in the Rye, but have never read it. I probably should, eh? Hmm... maybe you could rework the "gloved" stanza so it's less confusing... it's kind of misleading and confusing. Perhaps some puncutation in a place or two might help, though I'm not sure.

I liked "b" better Very cool. And lilacs smell great! We have a huge white lilac tree in our yard and it smells soooooooo good every spring. Wish it was lavender, though.

Lady of the Night

Notice in the first few stanzas how the girl is referred to as "she" and "her" and how the hand is referred to as "you".

The switch in tenses is meant to identify that there are three characters in the poem, one of which is the guys hand.

Try looking up "legend of golem" or something like that.

Jay

Yes, but who is the "you" that relieves the buttons? I think I liked it better thinking there were only two. That, and I prefer to unbutton his jeans than for him to

Lady of the Night

I'm sure he would prefer that also.
However, the point is that he goes home alone.

The "you" that relieves the buttons is the same "you" that is in the glove.

Jay

hey guess what, i know a perfume that smells like lilac and the name of it kinda goes with this poem too!

Jay, the lilac reference adds a really nice touch, all the more since nearly everyone can relate to it. jhs

By me, Catcher in the Rye is essential reading, preferably whilst young.

Stephen

Jay,

Have you ever read "I am the cheese" 'tis a very strange book! Same author.

I like that book!
I am the cheese was cool in 7th, and i love the c in the r now

WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLD on a second! WHOA! Back that bus up! He goes home ALONE?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!? The.. but the... the ... ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOT what I had thought!!!! Am I the only one that got SO far misled?!?!?!?!!?!?!?

I think I need to go lay down.... WOW. Nothing like being shot between the eyes by that concept! It's all clear to me now! See, I thought the girl was his lover and they're on the subway and when they get home the "you" is her! Whoa! I'm um... wow. Needless to say, I don't think you got the "goes home alone" concept across very clearly! Whoa.....

Lady of the Night

Funny cause i pretty much got it that he was wishing to know her better but just sitting next to her. Kinda helps to have been in that situation though.

I really like how you convey the feelings and thoughts while still elaborating (vocab word ) with images, great stuff.

Two fingers none the wiser

Jay, I haven't gotten through all the comments so I don't know if someone else has said it but...
I don't reallly think it sounds to great where you switch from talking about her then to her. Isn't supposed to be one or the other???

DON'T READ CATCHER IN THE RYE!!!! Lol, many killer (don't ask me who just "famous murderers") had the book in the hand/pockets, or had been reading it at around the time they murdered! Meghan.... no murdering for you!!!

The "You" he speaks of later on isn't the girl, but rather, the hand. cough

I could never murder! My face gives away too much and I'd get shot, lol.

Lady of the Night

Yeah, I read through and realized my confusion... the part that confused me was...

"sometimes, when she turns a page,
her elbow touches mine and
she turns to me, smiling sweetly.

I resist every temptation
holding you still and
gloved on my knee;"

But I get it now.....

I am still surprised about that, but oddly, I like the poem even more now! Gives it more character, I think.

Lady of the Night

I like the poem very much. I also didn't get you were talking about your hand. I thought that she was a girl on the train that you didn't know and you came home to your girlfriend/wife to "do" her and that is who "you" was. Maybe a hand reference is needed somehow.


Kar --Zev
bugbomb malfunctioned...

I think the hand is portrayed as well as it can be in the "glove" stanza, it just went over my head!

Lady of the Night

Lady

i assumed his hand was gloved
the hand that will replace relieve him later of his lust for this girl that he can't take home
am i right, Jay?

love the imagery and the very smooth flow
a lovely read

Janine

Janine, your assumptions are correct.
I'm glad you decided to check out the forum. Welcome!

Thanks to everyone else, too. I appreciate your comments.

Bruce,

Yes, "I am the cheese" is actually by Robert Cormier. Salinger is responsible for such wonderful works as "Franny and Zooey", "Raise High the Roofbeams Carpenters", "Nine Stories", "Catcher In the Rye", etc.

Also, sorry to hear about your decision. You'll be missed.

Jay

What's his decision?? I thought he was just considering and nothing was final, and that he'd just be less frequent around here... he can't go!

I should read "Catcher in the Rye" as well as some of these other books people have suggested and been talking about. I've been caught up in my romance novels over the last couple of years and haven't read much else.

Lady of the Night

Bump. One of my favorite pieces.

I miss this guy.

Lady of the Night

Jay,

I'm so glad you see the world this way.

Been there, done that. Really good poem, Jay. Can't believed I missed it all these years.

Joe

welcome back, Jay. This was a lovely reappearance.