Hello Everyone, I am very happy to have joined this forum, and am looking forward to getting some criticism on my poetry. I am very much an amateur, and would apprecitate reading what others have to say about my poetry. Thanks, and enjoy. Jerrod

LIMBO
Alwats spinning round and round,
Never hitting solid ground.
Watching time and space go by,
Never taking time to cry.

OUR PATH
Take the hand I give you plainly,
All along this path we'll tread.
Never whispering the words,
"I love you."
Never uttering the spell
Of entanglement and binding,
For together alone we'll be.
Let the silence be our token,
We'll watch others run so free.

Hello Jerrod,

This is also the first time I've joined this forum. I enjoy writing poetry but I find that I'm very self-conscious about what I write. But here I am. I enjoy your poems; I find that I can relate to both. Your first, "limbo", is really very good. Short, visual and impacting. The second reminds me of something I wrote. Though you might like to read it. Bear with me it's not a masterpiece, but I just thought I might share this title-less piece with you. I like this poem, but there's something not right about the rhythm of the poem, maybe you can give me some feed back...

My hands,

They would not make a sound,
I promise,
If I could close my eyes and
Picture by my side:

Your silken face
Being
Caressed by the exigency of
my fingertips;
A round, rhythmic stroke
sliding, slowly on your cheek and
furtive moist heating our skins.

I promise,
The fondle I'll pressume
Won't need sight nor sound.

Thoughts call upon me sensuous passion,
Then,
The uncontrollable.

Come you
And lay my finger
On your
Lips,
Rest my heart
At your
Palm,
And nor sight nor sound
Prevent from passive love.