Frozen tears

Frozen tears upon my cheek
And a dagger in my heart
Your coldness froze the tears
And you words were the dagger
The tears may melt
but the dagger left a scar
that will never fade.



A dreamer's love

Sparkling stars in the night's velvet sky
I kiss my love so softly goodbye
For soon the sun will chase darkness away
and I will awake to a brand new day
For only in dreams my love and I meet
but are parted at the night's painful retreat.

Frozen tears
Now this is something promising. At least the first two lines. At once you make repetitions, the first, bitter charm you clearly achieve by choice of words is - hum - not lost, but dimmed. It should break into the very soul of ours - so did the first lines with me, that's what I like and love and search for in every poem. You got the feeling. Now try to push it into something with less repetitions. Find similar, beautiful words...
Mille grazie.
carrot