When roofs cave in on burning floors,
There’s crumbling stonework he cannot restore.
Is there an iciness
Cutting through that clear strip of air?
And is there a man
Who can shoulder his cares?

When did the weight become too much to hold?
When did the heat in his heart grow too cold?

Is there a place he can lay
Down his thoughts
The lessons he’s learned,
The fights he has fought?
What does he need?
Sometimes just our ear
To reach out your hand
Into his ocean of fear

djh

Good stuff! Contemplative, insightful, and yet powerful and demanding attention. The two lines in the middle (hold/cold) really jumped out at me, and at the time I was looking forward to another two like them to finish the work. I think the way you ended it was good, though, so nothing's missing.

I don't know if it's the rhyme scheme of some other hidden quality in the work, but this poem felt like a journey to me -- an important and profound one. At the end, I felt that something had really been accomplished. I guess that doesn't make much sense. :-)

Hi, thanks a million for your thoughts. In this piece I try to address the extremely awkward topic of young male suicide. In my country it is nearly epidemic and recently a politician standing in our national election called suicide victims “selfish bastards”, something which surely appalled right-minded people. The first verse recognises that suicides can sometimes be sudden and unexpected - the clear strip of air and the stonework represent someone who is outwardly strong, stable and full of clarity but inwardly this same person can be falling apart (“iciness” and “roofs caving in”. The second verse of the piece is pretty much self-explanatory. And to be honest I wasn’t that happy with the way I finished the piece, the last verse was a bit of a disappointment to me, it just more or less says that we can help, just by listening but of course in some cases this is too simplistic.
Cheers,

djh

Darragh sez: "recently a politician standing in our national election called suicide victims 'selfish bastards', something which surely appalled right-minded people."

I like to disagree and fight for the underdog, so I'm going to explain what I think that politician may have been thinking. Obviously, "selfish bastards" may have been too strong a term, but I think they were seeing suicide as kind of an easy way out. After all, if someone kills him/her self, they won't have to deal with any problems any more, and they just leave everything up to the living that they left behind. Their actions don't help anything, and they only create tremendous pain, grief, and guilt for their loved ones. This is just more suffering, so what's to stop them from killing themselves as well?

Anyway, I think maybe that's what the politician was getting at. "Selfish bastards" may seem to be an insensitive term, but these strong words could potentially serve as a challenge not to resort to suicide. If this view eventually led to the elimination of suicide, wouldn't it be a good thing in the end?

Athenian,

Why not instead of exacerbate a troubled and distubed state of mind and soul with such callous, insensitive, negative words; try to truly reach any such hurting, wounded spirit(s) through the strongest possible demonstrations, indications of genuine,real love? Might this, does this not seem to be a far greater possible remedy than what you're trying to justify, rationalize?

Namaste,
Jazzy

Hi all,
Now we could go on with a lively discussion about suicide, how to do it (sarcasm) or how to avoid it. Let's stick to the poem as close as possible, okay? Remember Sound of Thunder...
siren

P.S.: We made kind of a competition up here (northern east Germany) with the same theme aiming at breaking down taboo-walls of silence. I've got to have the collection of prose, songs, poems and articles somewhere stored...I could translate some. Anyone interested? siren