User Submitted Poetry
 Interested in feedback about a piece you've written? 

eMule -> The Poetry Archive -> Forums -> User Submitted Poetry


Goto Thread: PreviousNext
Goto: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
untitled
Posted by: mg (205.188.116.---)
Date: June 04, 2022 05:05AM

I ask for advice
And seek to serve, to give.
Yearning for love
Once given I will not receive.
I walk along a path
Knowing full well that I should choose the other
And cry tears of suffering
longing for a savior and a lover
But even if he came,
Perhaps I'd turn and walk my own way.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/04/2022 12:16PM by mg.


Re: untitled
Posted by: les712 (68.116.94.---)
Date: June 04, 2022 12:19PM

Good one MG, having choices is a good thing.

Les


Re: untitled
Posted by: mg (64.12.116.---)
Date: June 04, 2022 10:32PM

Hi Les, thank you.


Re: untitled
Posted by: hpesoj (69.116.241.---)
Date: June 05, 2022 04:55PM

mg:

From the tone of the whole, I rather doubt your protagonist would be questioning whether he'd "turn and walk" his "own way." I think a more appropriate word with which to start the last line is, "Surely."

Good poem.

Joe


Re: untitled
Posted by: mg (64.12.116.---)
Date: June 06, 2022 12:08AM

Hi Joe,
thanks for reading and commenting.
I think you're right. That does work better. Thanks.




Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.
This poetry forum at emule.com powered by Phorum.