I drove myself insane
Ignorantly chasing power and entertainment
I poked and prodded
So diluted, distracted, dumb by man's lies
I could never begin to comprehend
As my pathetic fumblings wrought cataclysm

I would writher for years to come
Slowly perceiving my entrenched madness
Balancing between enough awareness to analyze
And enough repression to prevent
My savage impulses

As I master myself, and the world clarifies
I am disgusted by my kin
Who reek of insanity
And as I had
Joyously perpetuate it

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/26/2010 07:03AM by Mr. P.

A good read Percival, but the last two lines seem awkwardly worded to me.

Les

Em, I see that now. I suppose establishing punctuation throughout the piece be able to make it smoother, but we both know that's never been my strong suit.

How about

And, as had I
Joyously perpetuate it

I like the revision, Percival, perhaps others might have suggestions about it.

Les

Em. There seem to be difficulties in the annunciation of "perpetuate it", too much "t". I'm reaching for a single word in their place, but find the personification (if that's the word) of insanity in "it" rather important.

I think the problem is coming in with the placement of:

"And as I had"

within those lines.

I think the poem is trying to convey that it is the kin folk who reek (present tense) of insanity and joyously perpetuate it (present tense)....and that although the speaker was also there at one time, he isn't now.

Another bit of punctuation might help clarify the issue.

As I master myself, and the world clarifies
I am disgusted by my kin
Who reek of insanity
And, as I had,
Joyously perpetuate it

I think "perpetuate it" works fine.

Mary

I like the piece, even in its roughnesses...never desired madness be represented with more smoothness than necessary for minimal communication.

Thanks for voicing it.

Peter

Em. My progress in the matter is impressive. I've yet to reach my goal however, as the subject is complicated, and life is taxing. But in time, in time. And who knows, I might get lucky one of these days.

But as for the poem's structure, I'm not overly concerned.

classic self portrait. I like. I can relate probably a bit too well.

Do tell. I assure, you will find nothing but an eager ear.