It is the feeling that I remember...
It is the ending that I regret
As I breathe the smouldering ember-
'Tis the fire I can't forget.

In the twenty dead years since passed,
The ache is in wondering why
The fire burned down so fast,
But the ember will not die.

Though dried is the kindling gathered
I have foraged the forest o'er,
For naught, no it has not mattered
For the fire is no more.

Say goodbye to another December
Farewell to a fair-weather friend
Keep breathing- the smouldering ember
And try to forget again.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/01/2022 09:39PM by UPMarty.

Nicely done, Mary. I enjoyed the read.

I think the administrators have changed the settings for the forum. Try posting your links now.


Les

Thanks, Les, and I'll try the link.

Mary

Mary:

Another fine poem. I'm glad to see you have your rhyming shoes back on.

One comment (hoppefully helpful): Your use of the passive voice in the second stanza threw me off a bit. For consistency, you might want to rewrite it using the active voice.

Keep writing.

Joe

Thanks, Joe. I don't know what you mean by "passive" voice, but appreciate the honest feedback. I'm curious, does the passive voice continue throughout the rest of the poem...or is it only in S2?

There were several issues with this poem that caused me to stumble as well. I don't rewrite poems and I don't even like it if I have to fiddle around too much when writing. Just as unduly kneading bread can make it tough, I think overworking a poem can make it lose its flavor or authenticity. If a poem isn't flowing well when writing it, I usually just chuck it and wait for another inspiration. This required a little too much fiddling and was borderline for the chopping block (a bit hokey for even my taste), but there was enough about it that I liked enough to keep it. And although, in this case, I think they were rhyming slippers... it did feel good to have them back on.

Thanks Joe,

Mary

I agree a nice poem, I enjoyed reading it.

Appreciated, purekittyt5.