User Submitted Poetry
 Interested in feedback about a piece you've written? 

eMule -> The Poetry Archive -> Forums -> User Submitted Poetry


Goto Thread: PreviousNext
Goto: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Sirens
Posted by: Iridescent1 (94.192.226.---)
Date: June 29, 2021 08:36PM

Sirens calling,
run away to the rocks with me.
Grind ourselves to the bone
dance for the man with the organ
He's always yanking our chain.

History calling
try to flee from the past
In your veins blood runs, old.
Don't dance for the man with the organ
He's not done yanking your chain.

Apathy calling,
Ho hum the national anthem
ask them again and then some.
Some guy with an organ
And you've got a funny collar on.



They're song lyrics, not strictly poetry, and they're also unfinished I feel, but I felt that this was a good place to give them an airing and get some good feedback.
Thanks

Dan


Re: Sirens
Posted by: les712 (68.116.88.---)
Date: June 30, 2021 12:23PM

All you need is a catchy refrain, Dan. To me it seems somehow incomplete without that.


Les




Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.
This poetry forum at emule.com powered by Phorum.