What This Fifteen Minutes of Thinking to Myself Looks Like

I was lying down beginning to think of making a list
[If a man speaks in the spirit of truth and listens in the spirit of truth,]
Of what my interests are,
Thinking the list would contain something like:

Quantum physics
The law of forms
Poetry
Etc.

And found myself waking to think of such things as—

To be kind to people
[one word is enough,]
To not be hurt more than I have to

...wondering how long I could keep my mind clear,
How long it would be before my run on sentences would run off into confusion,
Before the haziness and tiredness would cloud it all up on me
And I wouldn’t even know what I thought
[for with one word can the world be uplifted,]
Or who I was talking to when I talk to myself.

What is important at the moment is to know about myself:
To think through to something
Like a platform I can return to
And use to understand how I am in the world...
Who is the audience for such a revelry?
[and with one word can the world be redeemed.]

In the meantime, I need to pee and my right knee hurts
And no, I am not so lonely right at this moment
When I can think of her and Sarah and Peter and Adriane;
But also when I can think of my other friend
And, and a few people whose idea of my minor place in their lives
Might matter a little to them sometimes.

No, not the center of attention for anyone most of the time.
No, I don’t need to be patted on the back constantly
Or appreciated for what I am, whatever I am, all the time.
The kindness of those who know me a little
Is exactly what I need once in a while.

And I’m not ashamed my ‘intellectual’ interests
...books, ideas, figuring stuff out...
Matter to me enough
So I sometimes forget everything else,
Including what’s ‘wrong’ with the world.

Holy paper clips batman! This is an interesting introspection. I feel like a voyeur when I read it. I don't if that is why it holds my interest or if its just that I am fascinated to follow your process for the minutes you had these thoughts.

I spend the majority of my life wanting to matter, and to be noticed. Most people do, and anyone who never has that feeling would scare me. (But I know plenty of people who would deny having it.)

Thanks for the interruption. (Firesign Theater 1969)

Peter, what I noticed about your beginning list, before you lapsed into run-on sentences is this.

Our fundamental way of thinking about ourselves is different. My list would begin like this:

walk
eat
read

etc.

Thanks for sharing your insights with us.

Les

Les, my friends in high school labeled me an intellectual, so I've spent much of my adult life resisting that label. Walking and eating somehow go beyond 'interests' to necessities or givens.

Steve,

Sometimes, rarely I get to articulate my 'true' insight into how my mind works. The piece shows how I get distracted by what I take to be 'interests' from what is of most interest to my health and life: kindness and suffering. And not being interested in oneself at all would scare me, too.

Thanks both for looking through this little introspection.

More of my poems are introspective, even when they are ostensibly about the world.

avanti,

Peter

Peter,

I really enjoyed this piece and when I'm not at work I will take time to reflect deeper and post more properer on what I think. Thanks for triggering interesting thoughts,

Avanti prestissimo

Dan

Thanks, Dan.

One of the aims of posting poetry is to instigate an interest in my audience in their own lives. I have often in the back of my mind that poem by Rilke which ends: "You must change your life." [The Archaic Torso of Apollo]

The above poem includes quotation of a portion aof a Haisidic tale in brackets:

[If a man speaks in the spirit of truth and listens in the spirit of truth,]

[one word is enough,]

[for with one word can the world be uplifted,]

[and with one word can the world be redeemed.]

So, my thoughts often include the thoughts of others, maybe because the boundaries of my ego/consciousness are not the boundaries of my own thinking, but the territory of thought shared by others...

And life goes on within you and without you, in words and deeds and...

amo,

Peter

Peter,

thanks for the poem and the explanation you included.

As a person who once described themselves as 'quite tangent orientated' I think you manage to capture the quick moving mind well in this, as well as posing some good questions. I particularly enjoyed:

'Who is the audience for such a revelry?' - In fact, I just like that whole stanza.

This is fast becoming one of my favourite poems, thank you.

Dan

Lovely piece

The busyness and distractibility of the mind, I can relate to that. The ability for pure concentration for something I most times can not achieve, while reasons escape me.

Gouwe

Gouwerijn

My moto's Those who ask question shall know answers.:>>> wie vraagt wie weet. Those who darenot ask shall never know. ::>>> wie niet vraagt wie niet weet.

Gouwerijns,

I much appreciate your visit and your comments. I am happy to share my own humanity here with you,

Peter