Thunder Storm

There is music in the air!
Beyond the silence of this still, summer day,
Behind the restless calm of motionless leaves –
From the grey depths of patchy clouds,
Rains down a sparkling melody.

Pulsating claps, of thunder.
Life –
Bursting forth onto this earth
And a flash
Of passionate lightning
Startling away the gloom of the dark clouds.

This rain is so alive,
And kisses on to the driest grass and brownest leaves
Life anew!

The rhythm – is changed now.
No longer a gentle melody.
It’s a flamenco –
A frenzied dance, to the notes of lustful youth.
Whirling around rocks and trees,
Swirling round my bare knees,
My tumultuous, beating heart keeping time
With the crescendo of thunderclaps.

And then
Through the blackest of clouds,
Pierces, one golden ray.

One single beam of pristine sunshine,
That waltzes through the falling drops
And shatters – Like an innocent heart -
Into a rainbow, on the other side of my world!

Very nice; filled with musical imagery.

Joe

Joy is such a pleasure. Nice description.

Peter

Full of evocative images, Sahana.

I like the musical theme, introduced by the first line, and developed by what follows. The varying line lengths fit the subject matter well. I like the flamenco metaphor.

The one note that struck me as not right for this poem was the word "shatters" in the penultimate line. I can't relate that to either a sunshine ray or an "innocent heart". Can you find a musical metaphor instead? Maybe replace "shatters" with "waltzes", and find another musical word to replace "waltzes" in the previous line.

Regardless, an enjoyable read.

Ian

I think "still, summer day" is an overdone image.

As an argument, think about how storms arrive in summer, how the quality of the light changes, from bland to sharpened, so that everything has a heightened visual quality. Similarly grey depths is not enough to describe the arrival of the storm. Sterner metaphors are required.

I don't care for "Pulsating claps" all that much. It sounds too regular to my ear. Thunderclaps are irregular, disturbing beats.

Flamenco is a far better metaphor, although bare knees seems a stretch and an unneeded rhyme.

Sahana, the fact that you worked on this gives it value. You can create better value by revision. As Pound said: Make it new.

The world has too few poets and I truly hope you stick with it and work at the art.



Thunder Storm

There is music in the air!
Beyond the silence of this still, summer day,
Behind the restless calm of motionless leaves –
From the grey depths of patchy clouds,
Rains down a sparkling melody.

Pulsating claps, of thunder.
Life –
Bursting forth onto this earth
And a flash
Of passionate lightning
Startling away the gloom of the dark clouds.

This rain is so alive,
And kisses on to the driest grass and brownest leaves
Life anew!

The rhythm – is changed now.
No longer a gentle melody.
It’s a flamenco –
A frenzied dance, to the notes of lustful youth.
Whirling around rocks and trees,
Swirling round my bare knees,
My tumultuous, beating heart keeping time
With the crescendo of thunderclaps.

And then
Through the blackest of clouds,
Pierces, one golden ray.

One single beam of pristine sunshine,
That waltzes through the falling drops
And shatters – Like an innocent heart -
Into a rainbow, on the other side of my world!