future needs.

Edited 7 time(s). Last edit at 05/08/2021 11:05AM by easyeverett.

'shown detached perfection in their disharmony'--nice phrase, Tom.

Peter

btw, I also am bipolar and am treated with drugs for that condition and have been off my usual dosage levels for the last two weeks because a stupid neurologist monkeyed with my meds. Don't let strange doctor mess up your dosages.

amo,

Peter

Interesting how you start off with "I am standing..." and end with "I leave", where in between are you observations before a strong statement concludes. Interesting when thought of on a symbolic level.

Be well

Hi Peter. Sorry to hear you also nabbed this roller coaster
ride. I am finishing a decade old project that uses obvious
precotious language skills in children under three to help in
diagnosis of bi-polar disorder in children. Presently, a firm diagnosis
is difficult if not impossible in these very young children.
My program would add language skills, especially poetry rhymes
and structures, to the aresenal of applicable observations one
can make or hear from teachers or parents. I bet you started
your writing when under five as did I and as have so many bi-polar
individuals. Anyway, this is the way the poem was supposed to
sound and LOOK. LOL. Thanks so much Peter for the empathy and
compassion you showed me over the past three weeks. It has given
me great insights and understandings. You all have been such gems
and I am fortunate to have landed here in this remarkably creative
place. I think I'm stable for the time being so can't wait to read
your wonderful material along with the rest of the gangs. Thanks
again Peter. You are a gentlemen of grand compassion. tom

I love the new version, Tom!!

K.Q.

I thank you so much K.Q. I thank you also for the depth
of understanding and empathy you shared when I was ill.
Take care my frined. tom

Tom:

Nice to have you back with us. Stay well.

Joe

Hey Joe, thank you so much for the welcome and I will
do my best to hang around for a little longer this time.
I am most appreciative of your concern and your understanding.
Thanks a million Joe. tom

I may be totally wrong, but this poem reads to me like an attempt to capture in short phrases the memory of a vivid dream. Like many dreams it is inconsequential, and probably holds more significance for the author than for anyone else, but such a writing exercise is worthwhile, and in this case that is done well enough for the word pictures to be quite intriguing.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/14/2009 08:23AM by IanAKB.

Have you actually stood on a mountain and watched cows tear it limb from limb, or have you been told that is what is happening?

Poem's, ok, but I don't think your premise is factual.

Hi Merc. "limb from limb"? No. I've seen mountain meadows stripped
of grasses by cattle allowed unregulated access to limited resources.
Of course, this is not the poor cow's fault. Man is responsible for
the herd at all times so final inditement must be made of man. But this
poem Merc is from a horse's perspective and the horse is a green horse
who understands his future and his kin's future is intrinsically tied
up with the freedom of the cattle to eat until all new growth and old
growth is gone. Obviously, the horse connection was poorly done though
I mentioned 'trot away' - 'quiver and shiver' from 'shoulder blades to
flank'. Chalk it up to failure to communicate which like the cattle's
engorgement is man's problem and I will think on it but it might be just
one of those forgettable failures that has no staying power. Thank you
Merc and I hope this explains some of my purpose and origin of creation. tom

Well, after a couple days of reading poems and posts, trying to get back in the e-mule saddle (it feels a little like trying to go back to church after a long absence for some odd reason), I feel compelled to post a response, Tom. For whatever it's worth, of all the poems I've read, this one stood out the most. In other words, I find it to be outstanding. I'm sorry that I can't be particular in articulating why, but just thought I'd let you know I enjoyed the read and don't understand some of the comments. It read very clearly to me, without knowing it was a horse speaking.

Thanks.

Marty

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/15/2009 06:44PM by UPMarty.

Tom, your explanation about it being a horse's point of view throws a new and welcome light on this poem, and adds sense and 'consequence' that I completely missed before. The small hints of that weren't quite enough.

A suggested solution you may take and use as your own [because if you do, it will be your decision]. Insert the following pair of lines (or similar) right at the start:

Unsaddled for now
mane wind blown

You will have to find a better title for what will then read as a very original and interesting poem; but that can wait until the poem eventually speaks its real name to you.

Ian

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/16/2009 05:07AM by IanAKB.

Today no weight of saddleblanket,
bridal-blues humanity on me!!

Hi Ian. I forgot about adding more clarity to the
horse connection until tonight but I think the above
should suffice when amplified by synergistic amptitude
of title change.

If not--then this strange horse personification
poem should be humanely executed and buried with
all of Rod McCuen's poetry and songs that he, alone,
so dearly loved and admired. lol

tom

Hi UPMarty and thank you for the positive comments
on this poem. I find it amazing how wrong I am about
predicting which poems will do well and why and which
poems will cause controversy and also why. This poem
was triggered by a young poet speaking through a
race horse and her's was the one I should have posted. LOL
Anyway,all comments on poems we write adds knowledge to the
learning curve whether good,bad or essentially benign contempt.
Praise for your brillance certainly feeds the human addiction
to ego-stroke and then a toke but doesn't move the ball down
the field. So I guess I just don't know exactly what triggered
certain responses to a poem about an environmentally green horse.
Thanks for stopping by and introducing yourself. I look forward to
more interaction on site. tom

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2009 03:03AM by easyeverett.

Tom, the second line you have added differs from what you said in your post you have added.

I'm not sure either version meets the need to make the nature of the persona clearer. Also, do you mean bridle or bridal? Bridal would add a new and confusing note! So does blue or blues, for that matter. The generic word humanity opens up a new and unnecessary front of meaning (leaving it unresolved). Why not let this poem incubate for a while? It's potentially too good to be executed and buried! IMO the just right title has yet to emerge.

Cheers,

Ian

I just started quietly laughing at 'bridal' Ian. That's just
what this poem needed: "More confusion!" lol. I have made the
change and will, with kudos to you, let this unintended complexity
of poetic, indeed, incubate for a well needed rest. I thank you, friend Ian,
for keeping the wedding boquet and bride out of this veiled story
of a horse's environmental conscience and concerns. I am most appreciative. tom

Tom, Here's my response to Terry on my thread. It pertains to how much space you take on the board.

amo,

Peter

Merc,

re: Tom pushing people off. I figure he's old enough to be able to know that he is doing that and that it is not fair to all those who only post once in a while. I guess, Terry, that your mentioning to me is sufficient to motivate me to say something to him. As an anarchist, I'm sure you know how much I hate being anyone else's cop or daddy or conscience, but I will take on the task.

Thanks for stopping by to read the poem.

amo,

Peter