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in memoriam
Posted by: havocrit (24.206.174.---)
Date: February 22, 2022 11:46PM

Texas' Best Two Stepper


A hot day - July in Texas, hands laid on black hoods:
A flash of the devil's death valley promise.
Cool relief inside, ominous shadows cross the floor;
the TV droning on about the arrest of three nude dancers.

Eyes avoid you - wish not to mirror your anguished soul
but out of the corner of one I see you sitting
in that same position, clutching your faded robe,
food uneaten; you haven't moved an inch since Saturday.

Phone's startling ring, my legs tremble as I move, listen
speechless, nodding, a practiced monotone explaining
the organs rumors of new grown tumors. Our eyes meet -
with quick cicada overflowing and flooding cheeks.

My heart has split, my bones dissolve, my tendons part,
my tongue now a foreign thing that cannot move.
I see you watch my dissolution, your back straightens
as if swallowing this bitter brew gave you strength.

He's still talking unheard. You hold out your hand to me,
smile through tears - I move to you, our eyes never parting,
lift up your fragile lightness, kiss, cradle you and
move slowly down that long hallway for the last time.

I lay you, feather light, soft on our double downed bed.
Intertwined, we fold soul to soul. We do not speak,
recalling that first spark that first ignited that fire
of love that left us blinded - still burns within me so.

Your lashes, now gone white, interlace - I gaze at you.
Blond hair once so thick now brittle, gray and sparse,
firm, muscled legs thinned to sticks you can no longer lift.
I move your head to my breast and clasp your beauty near.

Shifting shadows of evening settle slowly over
your brow I'm stroking with trembling hand as we
begin invoking the vows that remain unbroken
that with love's adoration we made so long ago.

In that last night, in our room of longing, I remember
fiercely fighting the tide of sleep once more from sliding-
stealing time and then inviting nightmarish scenes
of you departing and never knowing how deep's my love.

I wake - gather necessary things for you. I move like
an unnatural thing in a foreign land, fearful and
startled by the smallest sound in this unfamiliar,
bleak, woeful landscape that will now become my home.

In the twilight's dawning, surveying small belongings
I've gathered for your trip to the dark cavern yawning,
you smile, nod approving - robe, dainty things, slippers
you will wear down the path to uncertain eternity.

She walked that path, I at her side but yet alone,
with strength and humor drawn from I know not where.
She's flown, leaving my smaller, weaker heart behind.
I know not from whence she came nor where she's fled.

I only know that Susie -
My queen of the one liners -
Texas' best two-stepper
....is dead.

Donn - Her audience and partner.


Composed on the first anniversary of my wife's death from bone cancer.
Fourteen years later snapshots from those terrible months still flash across my mind almost daily.
Certain songs on the radio that we both would laughingly attempt to sing still wet my eyes.


Re: in memoriam
Posted by: petersz (69.181.22.---)
Date: February 23, 2022 01:40AM

Thank you for sharing this with us.

Peter


Re: in memoriam
Posted by: hpesoj (69.116.241.---)
Date: February 23, 2022 11:07AM

Such depth of feeling, so beautifully expressed! Thank you.

Joe


Re: in memoriam
Posted by: hpesoj (69.116.241.---)
Date: March 03, 2022 10:41AM

Bump.


Re: in memoriam
Posted by: obiwan (72.141.185.---)
Date: March 03, 2022 09:39PM

Hey havocrit,

This is so sad, so beautiful.
I hope writing those words helped you cope with your loss.


Re: in memoriam
Posted by: UPMarty (71.87.67.---)
Date: March 04, 2022 10:42PM

Heartfelt, indeed. A beautiful tribute, havocrit.

Marty




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