There are not moments in a sunrise
Like a flooding tide
Light and shadow glide
Through canyons and fields
A song too universal for melody
A Dance too intricate for steps
Only here, as the light eclipses
All that has been and will be
Am I free of time and present
In this everyday eternity
(I could use some help regarding the formatting/structure of this one. Thanks)
Not moments in a sunrise
Like a flooding tide
Light and shadow glide
Through canyons and fields
A song too universal for melody
A Dance too intricate for steps
Only here, as the light eclipses
All that has been and will be
Am I free of time and present
In this everyday eternity
or maybe
No moments in a sunrise
Like a flooding tide
Light and shadow glide
Through canyons and fields
A song too universal for melody
A Dance too intricate for steps
Only here, as the light eclipses
All that has been and will be
Am I free of time and present
In this everyday eternity
There are just stuck me as an exceptionally weak opening phrase.
I like the poem a lot,
Peter
Peter, thanks for the ideas. It is good to be a writer among better writers.
Not really my expertise, you better yell for Ian, he seems to be into that.
personally I found it eloquent as it is and personally in most cases am against revising you initial thoghts. good stuff and no need to be humble here...you are good. Peter is a good resource here thogh and gives good insight...read his work and you'll see why.
just read this again. I love it even more the second time around.
frost, thanks for taking the time to read it over again. Glad you like it
Aaron
Aaron,
you're welcome. I like your style.
bump
I like the notion. Good closing question!
K.Q.
agreed on the bump. I love this one more every time I read it.