I lay there
The earth pressed hard against my face
I knew not how I got there nor did I care
All I knew was that I had to get out of this place
My body was numb and all my strength had left me
My eyes were open but I couldn't see
My memories and all I had once loved - stolen!
The strands that knitted my soul together, broken
Suddenly I felt drawn to something, a voice inside my head
I felt all my senses glow, a warmth started to spread
He came closer and cradled me in his arms, I had nothing to fear
He bent down and whispered in my ear:
" You've come back, a weary traveller
Wondering through the journey that is your life
The memories you choose not to dwell upon
Etched into your weathered face
You've lost many a thing
Non of which can be replaced."
He stroked my hair and kissed my cheek
There was so much I wanted to say but couldn't speak
Tears of relief overwhelmed me, I was finally free
For he had come to rescue me
As I lay there on the cashmere grass
I breathed in the earthy smell, it comforted me
The warmth of the sun tickled as it danced across my skin
I watched the formless clouds above and allowed time to pass
I embraced the present moment and enjoyed a sense of being
My soul was a phoenix, risen from it's ashes
I closed my eyes and smiled, I could finally hear
The subtle whisper of silent trees
diction in the first stanza is off. piece needs proofreading. I didn't find content till last stanza, which is perhaps the poem here:
I embraced the present moment and enjoyed a sense of being
My soul was a phoenix, risen from it's ashes
I closed my eyes and smiled, I could finally hear
The subtle whisper of silent trees
--what comes earlier is fluffy and vague.
I am glad to se you posting again, A. Snow. You often post very interesting work.
Avanti,
Peter
Dear Peter
Thank you for reading and commenting...I always appreciate other opinions and constructive criticism...as you may have notived I haven't posted in a while so I'm a little rusty...I asure you when I'm back into the swing of things you'll be satisfied with a much better read...(wink)
Thanks again,
Ashley
gotcha,
amo,
Peter
Hmm, this confused me quite a bit. I don't mean to be offensive, only constructive, when I say that it's rhythm was very awkward to me. Seemed like you weren't leaning to either prose or.. what's the opposite of prose? Anyway, read kinda like song lyrics, which I'm not used to.
Mr P, you wouldn't know rhythm if it drove up in a BMW and bit you on the Volvo
Your title I still one of my favorites on the board in recent times.
Petr
Johnny has a point there.
Do you mean on his head or his tongue?
Hey, I don't even know if he has a Volvo....he could be driving around with a Prius for all I know