There, in the corner, staring at his list
Two pints long - an industrial tan.
Padding - a pillow, an eking of slightness
Beard upon beard - myth upon man.
Yet, no prosaic approaches for him
No drunken sitting of knees, no pleas
For a new Mrs: he's left alone
To sup and tick, a regular guy/myth.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/08/2021 02:06PM by larkinabout.
I was gonna tease you in a croc hunter accent but decided it was too much work. How's shit camus?
Kris,
You always seem to have your eyes open.
be well,
Peter
Long time, Kris. Good to see you on the board again.
K.Q.
Bloody hell I must have been pissed, i forgot I posted this!
Hey I did a rhyme...well a half-rhyme.
Mr.P, don't dis his memory, just don't go there...
Hey Pete, always good to hear from ya, hope you're well and not too old...I saw Leonard Cohen the other week, truly magnificent...He's 74 you know...
Hey girls, hope all is groovy with ya'll.
Anyhow Happy Christmas to all of ya...
Take care, be well.
cheers
Kris
what a treasure...Leonard Cohen...good for you.
I am happy to be 64 my friend.
hang in there,
Peter
No, I'm not attempting to slander your dad/santa. I was attempting to start a lengthy conversation with you involing life, death, truth, bananas.
Kris doesn't know much about bananas, nor death, but he does write some pretty good poetry.
Mr.P
I was referring to your "croc hunter" comment, take not Steve Irwin's name in vain!
As for the Santa character, well he was just a guy I saw in a local drinking establishment,not my Dad! Although if my dad does show up, please let me know, he owes me 35 years of birthday and christmas pressies!
Thanks Merc!
God bless us one and all.
Mr.P,
What was your original name? I prefer that, i can relate to that.
"Right, how about it?"
Unfortunately, you don't listen...
What the fuck is the point of conversing, when there is no one listening?
Get over yourself, then we'll talk!
This game of yours got tired some time ago.
A fine vignette, Kris. Great control of words, with quality phrasemaking. I particularly like "eking of slightness" (which btw reminds me of the felicitous definition of a lady's bustle as "fiction founded on fact").
If you are interested in polishing, I suggest "No" would flow better than "Nor" at the start of S2L2, so long as you insert a comma at the end of the preceding line.
Also, you might be able to improve on the very end. IMO, "guy/myth" is a little clumsy, the one place in the poem where your standard slipped.
You rhymed S1L4 with S1L2, so ideally you'd follow the same pattern in S2, which means finding a rhyme for "pleas", which probably can't be done without replacing "a regular" in S2L4. Perhaps "ease"; e.g."a myth man at ease" or "an old guy at ease" or "a Claus clone at ease"?
Ian
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/06/2022 06:19PM by IanAKB.
Some good suggestions there Ian.
I certainly did ponder repeating the rhyme scheme, but as I'm rather clumsy/shite at rhyming in general, I hoped I may get a away with it.
I'll certainly have a think about it though, some poems are worth the effort, alas not many...
cheers
Kris
Mr.C
"This game of yours got tired some time ago."
Why the fuck do you keep returning then?
Is it a Pavlov thing? do I ring your bell?
Well, you did start this. I thought you might like to end it?