Define Neurotic


To be me means that everything I do --
Each action, move, word or thought
Requires a thousand exhausting lightspeed choices
All tempered by a million potential outcomes.

These things require evaluation,
Study, anticipation, and consideration.
Measuring the costs to me and my place in the world,
And most importantly, the effects on others.

I see my life as a constant burden.
A simple black and white mandate.
Get it right, or be less than you think you are.
There is no gray in this doctrine.

Who I am -- is defined by what I do.
What I am worth -- is defined by
My judgment of every deed’s rightness.
And I judge this poem as wrong.

Presenting this grievance in this way
Is done with anxiety and disdain.
Using broken verse to lament my dreadful condition
I find trivial, inappropriate and anything but poetic.

But to further confound the paradox of being me --
I just removed the stanza that would have followed.
The one that tried to save this wandering rant by
Explaining what would have been the right thing to say.

Steevo

Nicely done, Steevo. A good ending!

But to fit with the opening line, I suggest you take 'Define' out of the title.

How is it that in about a quarter of a second a top quarterback can do all those things referred to in your first two stanzas and immediately send a pin-point pass on its way to a receiver? I guess quarterbacks don't have time to be neurotic.

Ian

Thanks Ian. Great suggestion on the title.

Maybe the difference is that the quarterback is more invested in the action than the outcome. He does not always hit the spot, but that's not what's on his mind. He gets another shot.

A psychotic blames everything on the world outside. A neurotic thinks they are responsible for it all. I regard myself as healthy when I have a reasonable presence of both conditions, and a sane esitmate of my own worth and importance. A am arguing with myself here, because I want to remember life is not this or that. It is always this and that.

Steevo

Wow Steevo...if you've defined neruotic with this poem, I finally know what's wrong with me.lol. Seriously, very relateable. It is sometimes hard to find the balance....
Good poem, great read.

Mary

A great read, Steevo. I think everyone questions their own decisions, the neurotic in us all makes this very relevant; though others might have put it differently:


"...For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th' oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th' unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life...

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprise of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry..."



Les

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/12/2021 02:30AM by les712.

Thanks Mary. If you can relate easily to this, you have my sympathy. Ha. Maybe we could start a club or a support group.

Les. Thanks. That is a great piece you added. But please tell me the source of this genuine poetry. Any pretense of a knowledge of poetry I may have placed in this forum is just that, pretense. I once read 5 pages of Wallace Stevens and pretended I knew what he was saying.

Steve:

No need for me to spend money on a shrink. You've analyzed my personality perfectly here, although I am really trying to be a bit more psychotic these days (lol). May I join the club with you and Mary?

Seriously, this is a very creative piece, and one that I deem poetic despite your own misgivings.

Good to see you posting again.

Joe

Thanks Joe.
What do you mean ne need to pay for therapy? I will gladly bill for the time. My washing machine just broke.

steevo!!

holycowbeechman! life is this AND that. it's good having you back. my dryer doesn't work unless i prop my vacuum cleaner against the door. we could wash clothes here and then go over to your place to dry them.

Thanks mitten. Now I'm trying to imagine a 1,900 mile round trip to do laundry.
There's a literalist in every crowd, and I'm it.

logistically speaking then, your dryer would have to come here. or my washer would have to meet up over there.

I think I'll stop talking about it now. Suddenly I'm not thinking so literally.

I want to be in the club too! I really enjoyed this red Steeve!!!

K.Q.

Steve, the quotations are taken from Hamlet's soliloquy, from the play Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, by William Shakespeare. [www.monologuearchive.com] />

Les

KQ Are you sure about joining? You may be above the standards.
As the old joke goes. I wouldn't want to belong to any group that would have me as a member.

Les:
Thank you. You would think one would recognize Shakespeare, but alas. I have seen Hamlet performed but never took the time to actually read it. Reminds me of another old joke: Saw the movie, missed the book.

Dogs don't know it's not Bacon

This raises all the taste questions. How can Diet Dr. Pepper taste more like real Dr. Pepper. And what is that Fruit2o stuff? Water withouth that watery taste?

It's not Bacon....or Spenser For Hire, either.

Propel water makes you go...hell, you can get water that'll do that for free in mexico

Steeve, If I tell you this is the only line that doesn't apply to me, will you still let me in?

I see my life as a constant burden.

The rest I can identify with very much! Is that enough to qualify me? In my culture we have a saying that goes to the effect that "heaven without people is not a place worth being at". So I guess I am saying I would enjoy being part of the club!!! "above the standards" is not a compliment for me; I'd rather be below and with everybody!!!


p.s. just rambling/joking!!

Arise chicken, arise!

buk buk buk bGAH !

I got back from a trip in time to learn how to spell "buk buk buk bGAH !" Thanks JB. At the farm next door they just aren't willing to share information like that.

Khalida
You busted me. Constant burden is a gross exxageration. Good catch. I'm going to fix that line.

If a guy's going to whine about life it is good to be factual. There were a few lighter days as I recall. But it's hard for me to remember what happened in the 60s anymore. That's mostly because of what happened in the 60s.