I seem to be hung up on wildlife.
He was borned to freed slaves
Down near Waco cotton fields
An’ he growed up to a button
Livin’ on percentage yields
But the money, it was scarce
An’ the “freedom” didn’t show
So the black man left from Texas,
By the name of Waco Joe.
He wandered north, an’ northward
‘Till he crossed the med’cine line
An’ he continued up toward “sixty”
Where the gold, some folks did fin’
An’ he made it to Fort Yukon
Where the two big rivers meet
An’ he stood there for a minnet
In the frozen muddy street.
He saw a saloon on the corner
Naw, he couldn’t read the name
Nor did he know if they let in darkies
Nor did he have no shame
So he walked right in and bellies
Up to the bar, an’ sez,
“Can I have me a burbon
With some soda to make it fez”
Then he looked at them aroun’ him
An’ sez, “My name is Joe
An’ I come here to Alaska,
To become a sourdough.
Now, I’ve heered of Bobbie Service
An’ I know I’m new in town
But, don’t give me no crap
‘Bout drink the Ice Worm down.”
He stood tall and straight
Like some men seem to do
As he stood right in the spot
Where the guy shot Dan McGrew
An’ he sez, “I wanna be one
A real life sourdough
So tell me what I gotta do,
An’ where I gotta go”
Welpt, ol’ Dawson Billie
Began to do some talk
An’ he sez, sez he to Waco Joe
“Most fellers seem to balk
When they fin’ out the ‘nishe-ation
Of the things ya gotta do
But, if ya want to ‘come one
I’ll tell ‘em straight to you”
“So lay it out now for me”
Sez ol’ black Waco Joe
An’ I’ll get on the job to
Beome a sourdough.
“Welpt,” sez Mike Kowlozski
“First thing is done in town
Ya gotta, without stoppin’
Drink a jug of hooch right down.
Then ya got to take a rifle
Like the one in the corner there
An’ go out and stalk, an’ hunt and kill
A full growed grizzly bear
But then the hard part’s commin’
Ain’t no easy thing ya know
To cross to this fraternity
As a real life sourdough.”
“Well, spit it out” sez Waco Joe
“An’ I’ll begin the task
An’ when I’m a real life sourdough
In my own glory I will bask.”
“The last feat’s a bad one,
Most men just bolt and run
One feller from Keokuk
Kilt hisself with his own gun.
For that thing there in the corner
Is a woman, not by looks
Nor will ya ever see such ugly
In all the ugly books.
She goes about four hundred,
Ain’t had a bath in years
An’ she’s got things crawlin’ on her
That give a brave man fears.
What’cha gotta do, (he shutters)
Is take her to yer bed
An’ spend a whole long night there
Actin’ like ya wuz just wed.
An’ ya gotta do it sober
With no hooch to guide, you know,
An’ when ye’ve did that horror
You’ll be a real life sourdough.
Now, it ain’t just what’chur thinkin’
But ya gotta kiss her, (shake) an’ stuff
But not once can ye come runnin’
Hollerin’ to us ‘that’s enough.
An’ when ye’ve done this three deeds
We’ll take ye to our arms
An’ we’ll tell all that we meet
Not to let no harms
Come to ye nor yern
For all the time ye go
Upon this earth, why, ye’ll be
A bone-a-feedy sourdough.”
An’ ye’ll have brothers ever where
That sourdoughs do roam
From somewhere out a’near Kotz’e
To Old Crow, or even Nome.
So Waco Joe, he tells the barkeep
“Han’ me that biggest jug”
An’ he spins the cap right off’ner
An’ takes a mighty glug
An’ he finishes off the bottle
An’ the rifle he retrives
An’ he steps out in the even’in
Where snow has replaced the leaves.
An’ he’s gone for three short days
An’ he’s gone for three long nights
An’ the boys there in the Blue Nose
Figger that’s ‘bout right
They’ll find his body come the break up
An’ it’ll be froze to some big rock
Where he stopped to rest a while
While the grizzly bear he stalked
When the door come flyin’ open
An’ Waco Joe steps in
He looks like he’s from hell
Where he wuz sent for all his sin
He’s got a eyebrow missin’
An’ his cheek is cut in two
An’ his hands are cut an’ bleedin’
An’ he’s missin’ his right shoe
An’ his teeth is gone, but three
An’ his sholder, sure is broke
An’ his shirt is torn to ribbons
An’ they see that it’s no joke
His navel has some bite marks
That look like long an’ deep
Were the teeth that made them
It’d make a growed man weep.
He stands there an’ he’s lookin’
At the whole darned Blue Nose bar
An’ he motions to the barkeep
That he needs another jar.
An’ he busts the cap right off ‘er
An’ he speaks, his voice is shrill
“Well, I bedded down that grizzly
Where’s the gal, I’m sposed ta kill?
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/03/2022 04:24PM by Merc.
oy. beautiful.
Peter
I was wondering how you were going to resolve that outrageously amoral plot, Terry, but didn't see that punchline coming. Great stuff!
Pete, Never been to that one. Nor have I before anyone mentions it have I been to the Great Alaska Bush Company..(nothing to do with the current president). However, I do have to go check on the Merry Annette soon, and plan to dine thereupin. danke
i especially love that third line. yer charm just can't stay hidden, now can it....
Fantastic!
I've been away a long time, and this is the first thing I read.
Hung on every word, enjoyed every stanza.
This is your genre. You own it.
Steevo
Terry, I've heard similar stories, but not many told any better than you tell this one. Reminds me of the great Aussie writer Banjo Patterson: [www.middlemiss.org] />
Les