i wanted this. i needed this. this was the ultimate goal. truth. thats the irony. the word truth when all it feels like is lies.
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cliche number two: the truth hurts.
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unnecessary phrase one: im sorry
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this is going to make everything okay. ill be the citizen erased and all will be will. "wash me away. clean your body of me. erase all the memories. theyll only bring you pain."
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youre going to be okay now.
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the hate for me will heal the rest.
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emotional turmoil: the insanity is wearing gloves. grip for days. right guys?
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sleep in the red nights, wake in searing skin. sweat is acid. feel it. its yours now.
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stuck on repeat, the murderer comes out. he laughs. laughs. laughs laugh.s. loudly. chill inspiring laugh.
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mindset fixed thought numero uno: if she hates me, it will be easier on her. if she doesnt care, it will be better.
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hopeful. romantic dead....lovely. lovely. lovely. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry. unnecessary phrase 1 is stuck on repeat too. im sorry, but dont want forgiveness.
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so it will be easier for you. and all will be gone.
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we played tag, tug of war, marco polo. i always won, but lost.
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objective 1: edited! CROSS OUT keep her happy. keep her well.
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objective 1 renewed: tell truth, and make hate rightfully mine.
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what was i thinking?? all along.
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when i knew immediately i should have left. impossible. insane.
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not going back. never. too much. sooner bring the world to its knees. take the knife i put in your back, and return it to my heart.
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no fear. nothing. apathy. alone. happy. love in oneself. hate is incidental. friendly fire. friendly fire. thats it.
im done.
-with love