From this week's ONION:


National Poetry Month Raises Awareness of Poetry Prevention

NEW YORK—This month marks the 10th National Poetry Month, a campaign created in 1996 to raise public awareness of the growing problem of poetry. "We must stop this scourge before more lives are exposed to poetry," said Dr. John Nieman of the American Poetry Prevention Society at a Monday fundraising luncheon. "It doesn't just affect women. Young people, particularly morose high-school and college students, are very susceptible to this terrible affliction. It is imperative that we eradicate poetry now, before more rainy afternoons are lost to it." Nieman said some early signs of poetry infection include increased self-absorption and tea consumption.

And the tendency to write in purple ink is just scary!!

pam

Some of my best friends are poets, but I wouldn't want my sister to marry one.

Also from THe Onion:

"Papal Election Brings End to Worldwide Unsupervised Catholic Sin Binge"

Did Nieman’s jowls tremble as he made these utterances; was Jimmy Swaggert on the dais?
Where was Dupwa?

Ah, poor Dr Nieman. He’ll never know the thrill of forging words with sweat, blood and tears; of having nothing to say and making it rhyme; of putting the best words in the best order; of finally reaching a state of grace; of painting the colour of wind; of raking over the ashes of a burnt-out passion; of writing love missals to a dead boy; of being broken into little pieces then being remade as a better person; of lifting the veil from hidden beauty; of spending hours making nothing happen; of catching the person you love with a butterfly net of words; of seeing your toenails twinkle; of making a tiny contribution to the universal possession of mankind.
(sorry for the rant - it’s raining here and I’m drinking a cup of tea.)

Marian, would that include herbal teas as well?


Les

What about iced tea? I've replaced my coffee with it.

Let me see how we can achieve that -

no more solitude
no more pain
and that means
no more gain

no frustrations
no set-backs
no this's
or thats

no ifs
and no buts
no messes
and no fuss

I'd still find a pen
you know
a paper too
what do you know

it won't be nice
wrong or right
but a poem still
my pen will write!

My name is Jay, I've been on poetry for about six years now. Its not that I can't quit...I...I just don't want to yet. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night having withdrawals and I just need a fix...I don't really think that makes me a bad person... ... ...

Should we have the PG Tips or Lipton's Poet Laureate?


Where Shakespeare drank the Mermaid's sack
And Burns supped Scottish whisky
A modern poet finds a lack
Of tea will make him frisky.

I can quit reading poetry any time I want!

yeah, but it leads to harder stuff

I'd still like to see Marian's mouse tread water on the internet surf.

Les

Is that like drowning in The Sea of Tears?

They start you off with a Whitman Sampler, next thing you know, you're smoking Nash and mainlining Sandburg

Sometimes your own parents are the ones who first offer you Whitman...

reciting Oh Craptain My Craptain while they force-toilet-train you

the horror

Let us not forget our evil grandmothers: delighting us with silly Mother Goose rhymes, pretending it is all good clean fun, while all the while slyly befouling our minds with the likes of Shakespeare: "out, out, damned spot," while doing the laundry, or, "A rose by any other name..." while gardening. We're on to you, you dastardly octogenarians; we'll not succumb any longer to your cunning ways.

Yes, grandmas have a lot to answer for. My grandma (who lived in a semi-rural area) always kept a spade handy near the back door to use as a weapon against the numerous bitey things we have here in australia. I still remember her attacking a deadly brown snake with it on the back door step, muttering 'O beat him into the ground, O strike him 'til he dies.'

r

Pam, do you really write in purple ink? Kinky.
Generally I write in red ink or red pencil, then make revisions over that with darker blue, then black ink.

If the meaning of "THE ONION" means anything, it likely means "something smells", but of rancorous humor.

E.