This looks right up your street!

[www.bonnydoonvineyard.com] />
[www.bonnydoonvineyard.com]

Reading the samples by Randall Grahm, this should be easy pickings, all right. Still, there are restrictions:

At least one Bonny Doon wine (extra kudos for each additional Bonny Doon wine included)
A cigar
A spaceship
Even more kudos if you work in a reference to “The unfortunate incident with the kilt”

I've never had any Bonny Doon wine, I am sad to say.

Small winery, supposedly very good though.

[www.wine.com] />

Les

Well, not much time before the deadline, so (being lazy at heart) I will shoot over my Dylanelle, slightly altered to include their product:


Do not go gentle once the green's in sight,
The traffic signal will not wait all day;
Rage, rage against the changing of the light.

Though wise men in their hearts know chance is slight,
Because the waiting's always hateful, they
Do not go gentle once the green's in sight.

Good men will floor it every time despite
The intersection's awfully far away:
Rage, rage against the changing of the light.

Wild men who speed away from work in flight,
And hungry for their supper's strong bouquet
Do not go gentle once the green's in sight.

Grave men, with thirst for wine of red or white,
Their throats so parched for Bonny Doon Rosé
Rage, rage against the changing of the light.

And you, my reader, there must know the plight;
Please understand my tip for you today:
Do not go gentle once the green's in sight.
Rage, rage against the changing of the light.


Whaddya think? What else can I do to better suck up to the judge?

Throw a cigar in there! And whatabout the spaceship?

Les

Ok, Hugh, you have whetted my appetite for competition not to mention a hankering for a jug of petit Syrah! All suggestions for improvement gladly accepted.

Shall I compare thee to a chardonnay
Thou art more homely and more oneray
Rough winds do shake the vines in early May
And summer's smoke chokes all but Randal Grah...
Sometimes too red the eyes of aliens shine
And often cold is his reisling trimmed
And every fair from care sometimes reclines,
By smoke of nature's choking cigar that's dimmed:
But thy infernal scottish kilt will not fade
Nor lose possession of Bonny Doon thou knowest,
Nor shall age bring doom to your brand's shade
When in eternal vines to grow thou showest.
So long as men can drink Sirah, or eyes can see,
Long live the boon of Bonny Doon we beg of thee.

Les

Drat. There goes my first prize, just that quick.

Some revisions, mostly punctuation.

Shall I compare thee to a chardonnay?
Thou art more homely and more oneray,
Rough winds do shake the vines in early May
And summer's smoke chokes all but Randal Grah...
Sometimes, too red the eyes of aliens shine
And often cold is your reisling trimmed
And every fair from care sometimes recline,
By choke of nature's smoking cigar that's dimmed:
But thy infernal Scottish kilt will not fade,
Nor lose possession of Bonny Doon thou knowest,
Nor shall age bring doom to your brand's shade
When in eternal vines to grow thou showest.
So long as men can drink Syrah, or eyes can see,
Long live the boon of Bonny Doon; we beg of thee.

Les

I have released a monster!

Chesil, in the words of that true Scotsman, Robert Burns. This is what we have done to our poets' fine words, we drink deep of his wisdom:

They laid him out upon the floor,
To work him further woe;
And still, as signs of life appear'd,
They toss'd him to and fro.

They wasted, o'er a scorching flame,
The marrow of his bones;
But a miller us'd him worst of all,
For he crush'd him between two stones.

And they hae taen his very heart's blood,
And drank it round and round;
And still the more and more they drank,
Their joy did more abound.

Les

A book of verses, underneath the moon,
A good cigar, a jug of Bonny Doon,
The unfortunate incident with the kilt,
I should have worn my pantaloon.

Ha! Beat that!

Good one Hugh! Chesil, care to join us? Dive on in, the water's fine (and so's the wine)!


Les

Having done up a revision of the Rubaiyat one, I shot it off to the doon bonnies. The response leaves me wondering though. Perhaps their literary abilities are strong, but the math seems a trifle weak:


"Doonophile,

Thank you for contributing to our Gut-wrenching Parody of Staggering
Silliness. We have received your work of parodistic perfection.

Our diligent staff will be spending the next two months reading, dissecting,
scrutinizing, drinking, pouring over, etc... YOUR submission.

You will hear from us around May 15th if you are a winner. Good luck!

Cheers,

Randall and the Esotericans"


Let's see ... they will read them for two months, but make a decision in 30 days? Midnight tonight is the deadline for all you procrastinators.

Hugh good luck! I don't think I will be submitting mine. But I do have a final revision, since I misspelled Randall's name:

Shall I compare thee to a chardonnay?
Thou art more homely, and not so tame,
Rough winds do shake the vines in early May
And summer's smoke chokes all but Randall Grahm.
Sometimes, too red the eyes of aliens shine
And often cold is your reisling trimmed
And every fair from care sometimes recline,
By choke of nature's smoking cigar that's dimmed:
But thy infernal Scottish kilt will not fade,
Nor lose possession of Bonny Doon thou knowest,
Nor shall age bring doom to your brand's shade
When in eternal vines to grow thou showest.
So long as men can drink Syrah, or eyes can see,
Long live the boon of Bonny Doon; we beg of thee.

Les

I doubt I'll make it, Les. I have been mostly working away from home for the past couple of months and will be for the next couple and whilst I have had good intentions to write while living in an hotel room, you know how good intentions are - especially when working with a group of guys who want to go out in the evening!

Well, it was a fun exercise anyway, Chesil. Thanks for sharing it. Perhaps next time it will come at a more opportune time for you.

Les

Not only weak on the math, but the recent 'Spenser' (Robert Parker detective) parody read like Sam Spade instead.

pam

With apologies to Lord Alfred, here's a different spin on Crossing the Bar:



Sunset and a fine cigar,
A cheroot, I think, for me!
And may there be no moaning at the bar
When I go off to pee.

For such a tide of Bonny Doon hath filled
My bladder to its dome,
Now that which drew from out the boundless jug
Turns again to foam.

Finally, I’m in the Lou
And can offer an Amen!
And let there be no snideness of remark,
When I set off again.

Or else from out our booth in tavern fair
A flood may travel far.
I need to see that porcelain face to face
When I have left the bar.

Cool! Needs a spaceship and a kilt, tho.

Good job, Joe. Being English, I would just like to say Lou should be Loo!

I liked it Joe, especially the third stanza.

Les

Well, I've worked in a kilt, but Tennyson has me stumped as to where I could possibly fit in a spaceship reference. I'll just have to go without one, I suppose. Here's the reworked version with a few other slight changes to make it more representative (I hope) of the original. Also, I've corrected my spelling (Thank you, Chesil).

joet



Sunset and a fine cigar,
A cheroot, I think, for me!
And may there be no moaning at the bar
When I go off to pee.

For such a tide of Bonny Doon hath filled
My bladder to its dome,
Now that which drew from out the boundless jug
Turns again foam.

I lift my kilt in the loo
And offer an Amen!
And let there be no snideness of remark,
When I set off again.

Or else from out our booth in tavern fair
A flood may travel far.
I hope to see the porcelain face to face
When I have crossed the bar.