I'm trying. I realize that an in-depth critique of this poem would have to address the dearth of imagery and rhythm as well as some other significant flaws, but my main concern must remain the abscence of words. One could suggest adding a few words, but this kind of artistic decision is best left to the poet.
Um, very powerful and moving.
"Everything that is strong in feeling and everything that excites a sudden reaction from a remote source immediately dislocates the complex mechanism of language: silence - blankness - the eloquence of the moment." (Valéry)
Geeez! Am I going to be the ONLY one to disagree? I'm sorry, but this is completely transparent. It seemed like it was over before it even started. This piece says NOTHING to me. It is completely lacking in meaningful content. I would say it needs 'punching up' a bit, but I don't even know where to start!
I have read this poem aloud several times, something Chesil always advises, and find that the caesura seems exceptionally poignant and extensive. This poet has brought the art of understatement to new, heretofore unheard of, heights.
"Unheard of" is definitely the operative phrase here. Again the poet takes the notion of obscurity to such murky depths that not even a rescue party can find its true meaning.
I find this poem reflects the mind of a troubled spirit.
The author lacks direction in his personal life and his obvious abundance of empathy with his natural environment overpowers the poem's concrete nature.
The rhyme sceme is too rigid: however, he compensates with a clear and concise word pattern.
On the other hand, I find his last line ambiguous and this is what belies his less than perfect existance; nonetheless, it is what he intended and it fits perfectly.
I wouldn;t change a thing.
This poet has carried on and improved the e. e. cummings style. Not only has he eliminated punctuation and capitalization, he's done away with all those other troublesome elements created by inserting words into the body of the poem.
I don't find the last line at all ambiguous. This is one of the few examples where the repetition (even in the last line) really WORKS for me.
You have mentioned his obvoius lack of punctuation, But if you look closely you may pick up on the fact that the author composed this entire piece without the use of VOWELS!
I agree with Jack, even though the "h" adds emphasis, it is highly overated as a completer. A simple "O" would suffice and would be in keeping with the spirit of this piece.
For any fans of John Cage's work, BBC Radio3 is broadcasting a concert from the Barbican Hall, Friday 16th January, starting at 19-25 GMT.
The final item is a performance of 4'33" arranged for large orchestra.
According to Radio Times engineers will have to disable the emergency back-up system that switches other music on if it detects a period of silence that lasts more than two minutes.