Take a look at this - my creative writing group got serious!
[mysite.wanadoo-members.co.uk]

Stephen

Stephen,

Congrats to all involved. A fine piece of workmanship

Good work, Stephen. Kudos to you and your students.


Les

Some good ones there, Stephen. Are you the group leader, or one of the group?

One of the group. But the womenfolk decided to branch out and form their own collective, and publish. One in the eye for the menfolk, and the stuff is pretty damn skippy (as someone used to say, sadly missed from this forum these days.

The degree course is going well. I passed the Certificate in Practical and Imaginative Writing, with a Distinction; two out of the four modules for the Diploma are under my belt; and I've just taken on an extra Creative Writing course in my local village, to keep up the pressure on my lazy self.

Having been Highly Commended in the University poetry prize two years running, my this year's effort bombed: I think studying Literature (capital L) dries up the creative juices. Still, I keep on writing. Look at this:

'Come sit with me where the firelight flickers,
and slowly I'll take down your hair.'

Hmm. Needs work, I think.

Well done Stephen. As for the effort that bombed, take comfort in the thought that only a mediocre man is at his best all the time.

I like the first of those two lines. The work needed may only be on the second.

I'd start by looking for a one or two syllable adjective, maybe metaphorical, to insert before 'hair'; something unexpected which when it's read seems just right, and which ideally reflects/leads to what follows in the poem [which means it has to be your choice]

Then see if you can find better words to replace 'slowly' and 'take down', both of which are a bit flat. (Sorry if that's like suggesting an axe be repaired by getting a new handle and a new head!)

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/02/2022 02:34AM by IanB.