what is the word for someone who constantly uses words incorrectly

A dyslexic person. Or a non-native speaker? Or are you looking for a poetic term? Can you give an example then?

How about 'malapropian'?

An adjective, I fear. Malaproprian, maybe. How about lapsus linguarian? No? Solecist, then.

Malapropisms




The 1775 Restoration comedy, The Rivals, by Richard
Sheridan introduced the humorous character, Mrs.
Malaprop. Her name comes from the French mal à
propos, which means inappropriate. The self-educated
Mrs. Malaprop was always substituting a
similar-sounding word for the word that she intended to
use.

I met a young girl, Mable Blixt,
Mrs. Malaprop's rival, who nixed
Richard Sheridan's claims
To the weirdest of dames,
By making her metaphors mixed.

There's one I can say, without perjury,
Where she awkwardly managed divergery,
When asked by an aid
How babies get made,
"Well, dearie, it's not rocket surgery!"

Yes it is an adjective, but one could say 'My malapropian co-worker'. I like 'solecist', but it seems to be a bit more far-reaching also encompassing misuse of grammar or etiquette.

You are likely right, but I'm on a roll with the mixed metaphors now:

Though tied to the railroad track firm,
Penelope managed to squirm
Her way free from that fate,
So Ms Blixt, sending bait,
Said, "A Penny that's saved gets the worm."

I had a co-worker once who regularly used malapropisms (unintentionally) - like telling me that she and her husband were buying a house in a 'culture sack' (cul-de-sac).

r

....and she was saving her money so that her daughter could have piano lessons at the crematorium (conservatorium)....

Are you casting nasturtiums on his malapropria?

Depending on what the word problem is, they could be a Spoonerist!

as in .... striking a blushing crow, hitting your bunny phone, and Cinderella slopping her dripper?

When my daughter was small, she said that so-and-so was being critical and casting asparagus at her teacher.

Asparagus? It was casting nasturtiums for me!

Cinderella slopping her dripper

Snort! I'm stealing that one, for sure.

I was working for a small spinoff back in '99, and when we got our first round of funding the CEO of the company came out with the large cardboard check and announced to the entire company that 'this will go down in the anals of .'

and did it?

Hey, that bunny phone deserved to get hit-- not only ringing, but hopping all over the house so I couldn't answer it!!

pam

fabulous

the play i remember this occuring in was "she stoops to conquer", which also had another name, but i cannot remember it. thanks.

some of the ORIGINAL malapropisms:

In THE RIVALS, the original Mrs. Malaprop says these (that I remember from when my friend Heather played the part) and others I can't recall:

Concerning education: "I want my daughter to learn geometry, to know something ofthe contagious countries."

"... like an allegory on the banks of the Nile..."

And she boasts: "one thing I reprehend is the use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs."

And then there's "He's the very pineapple of politeness."

I know this doesn't come under the heading of malapropism or spoonerism, but I will share a funny moment. Years ago, I had a school principal who loved the sound of his voice on the speaker. He took every opportunity to get on and ramble on and on. One Monday morning after a Friday night football game he informed us all that our team had lost by a score of 17 to 21. He then made the pronouncement that "all the boys had farted hard."

Gales of laughter and chaos ensued. He seldom got on the speaker after that.We were all thankful for the boys' efforts.

I knew a co-worker with such an affliction. On one Monday morning, he excitedly described how he had seen a wildlife refugee over the weekend. If someone was making risky moves, he would advise them, "Don't rock the waves." If upper management was about to single someone out for blame, he would say, "They're looking for an escape goat."

In this wildlife refugee, did the monkeys hang by their reprehensible tails?

No. They were hung because of them.

My mother-in-law will never live down the day she said so and so was "barking up a blind tree"

We knew an Italian American woman who said proudly that her son had been asked to be a ballbearing at a funeral.

I don't suppose any of this is helping the person who's "looking for a word"!

....another friend told me that the highlight of her visit to Venice, Italy, was having a ride in a gondolier.....

..not a malapropism, but....
Glenda's story reminded me of a teacher at my old school - he lacked authority, and whenever he had to address the assembly, people often continued to chatter. One day, in front of the whole school, he blurted out:
"I'm sick of this! Everytime I open my mouth, some fool speaks!"

In one of David Niven's books he recalls when he and Errol Flynn were in the 'Charge of the Light Brigade'.
The director (Michael Curtiz I think) shouted to the wranglers to 'Bring on the Empty horses' referring, of course, to the riderless horses.
Niven and Flynn collapsed in mirth. Curtiz snarls, 'you think I know F--- Nothing. But let me tell you I know F--- All'.

The person would be a malapropist.

I remember that Jo in Little Women dressed up as Mrs. Malaprop for a costume party once.

pam

>>>In this wildlife refugee, did the monkeys hang by their reprehensible tails?

No, they ran off with the escape-goats.

A dyslexic person, is a person who writes words incorrectly. A non native speaker is a person who speak another languaje. And... how do we call people like you? Ignorants?

And we were having such a good time............

Hey soledad,

I think you took me a bit too seriously; it was a joke. But now I read it again, I can imagine it didn't come over as one for someone that doesn't know me. I surely didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings. For your info: I'm a non native speaker, so part of it was aimed at me.

No hard feelings I hope?

My friend told me the one about the man who felt reinvirginated.

Well, there's malapropism - which is using the wrong word. Mrs Malaprop from er..Dickens? So - a malapropist?

and another one i heard today...

a friend told me that her aunty has just retired, and is going to live in a condom in Florida.

There's an old joke (probably a collecton of true stories) about Russians trying to speak English, to explain their infertility problem. They say things like:

"My wife is impregnable."
"You mean she's unbearable?"
"I think you mean inconceivable."

There's a lawyer character in TOM JONES who malapropriates a lot, but he's not as funny as Mrs. Malaprop herself. If I can find the passage I'll post some examples.

And this one is mine, and I did it on purpose (so it doesn't count) but I'll share it anyway: I was explaining Yom Kippur to a friend and he said, "I know all about that. My second wife was Jewish." I said, "I didn't realize you had been adjudicated."

who malapropriates ...

Enron execs?

Maggie Mae,

I think the word you'd be after is illiterate but im not sure. Hope i am of some help.

Mrs. Malaprop

or someone who is plagued with malopropisms

Bump I can't help it. I love this thread.

Last week on a local newscast there was a story about dead beat dads. It was one of those programs where people can call in. One woman called and was angry because the majority of the pictures were non-white. She informed us all that there were plentry of Crustations who did not pay child support either.

Recently a house painter told me that he was getting too old to climb ladders because he was starting to lose his eqiliberity.

Once while looking back on my grade seven science notes I discovered that in place of "organisms" I wrote "orgasms" for the entire unit....I wonder why my teacher didn't correct me?

Gord

People who enjoy this thread might like to read Leo Rosten's Hyman Kaplan books - fabulously funny:

The Education of Hyman Kaplan and The Return of Hyman Kaplan - brought together as O Kaplan My Kaplan.

Stephen

All-

I thought I had mentioned my friend on this thread, but I guess not.
He is the unwitting 'Master of Mixed Metaphor" Here goes:

When he is eager he says he is 'Biting at the chomp'
When he is happy he says he is 'Happy as a bug in $h!t' or
'Happy as a pig in a blanket'
When he is having a busy day he says:
'I've been running around putting out chinese fire drills all day!'
When he wants someone to expedite a job he says 'I'll light a fire on them'
He refers to the unfortunate uprising in the early nineties as:
'The squirmish in Chinaman Square' (No, I don't know what a squirmish is)
When trouble is brewing it's time to 'Batten down the hatchets'
He is not much of a skier. He doesn't do any 'Solemn courses' (slalom)
He's good with computers, he just isn't familiar with the 'Normanclature'
As a matter of fact, he's so good with computers he says:
'Yeah, I know it like the back of my head.'


There are many more. I have often thought of compiling them.


Jack

Two words come to mind. A malapropist and a misologist. Just
joking. Still they are appropriate. Have fun, best dlc.

Since the original was "Mrs. Malaprop," perhaps the correct term for your friend is simply "Mr. Malaprop."

Your mixed metaphor poem are a delight. Did you do them? dlc

When in doubt, always read the destructions.

Ms Blixt always comments with candor,
That life, to be fun, is made grander
By taking the view,
"Whenever you're blue,
One good goose is deserving a gander."

Oh!

I just remembered a good one!

"You are operating underneath a misapprehension."


Jack

malaprop

Another one from the master.


'The problem here is we got too many cooks, and not enough Indians.'


Jack

Shouldn't that be too many chefs and not enough Indians?

Now, now, who ever heard of a chef spoiling the broth?

pam

FROM REAL LIFE

My mother would sometimes snap at us during dinner:

"Don't talk with your mouth open!"


FROM FICTION:

Buddy Fidler is a character in "City of Angels" who mangles a lot of expressions. He says "Nobody gets a hole in one their first time at bat." His best (worst) is when he describes a shot in his movie, the camera lingering on the curves of a scantily clad woman, and he predicts: "There won't be a dry seat in the house!"

More from real life -- from Peter Cushing's autobiography.

His mother-in-law was a native speaker of Russian, and sometimes her English utterances were under-translated.

Offering sandwiches: "Would you prefer the bread WHITE or WHOLESALE?"

Of a man who was always neatly groomed, not a hair out of place: "Here's dear Gramoshka - PLASTERED as usual!"

A game could be made with this kind of malapropist art. dlc

Or a POEM!

So what did I mishear at school before I could read that lead me to sing "pity mice implicitly" for several years?

Mondegreen.

When i was little i wondered why we had to stand up and
sing "Australians all love ostriches, for we are young and free" on school speech days.

Hugh-

Where is that Lady Mondegreen hyperlink?


Jack

Linda,

I'm guessing that when you sang "pity mice implicitly", were others singing PITY MY SIMPLICITY. As in:

Gentle Jesus, meek and mild,
Look upon a little child;
Pity my simplicity,
Suffer me to come to Thee.

That's a new one to me! Other friends have told me that they said or sang:

"Surely good Mrs. Murphy will follow me all the days of my life"

"Gladly the Cross-Eyed Bear"

"Lead us not into Penn Station"

... and there's a whole book about what children THINK are the words to the Pledge of Allegiance. My favorite version is not in that book, but it was shared by Maxine Hong Kingston on NPR about ten years back:


I pledge allegiance to the FROG
of the U.S.A.
and to the wee puppet for which it stands...
with little tea and just rice for all.

Now THERE's a pledge I could take with sincerity!

Where is that Lady Mondegreen hyperlink?

[www.rulefortytwo.com]

Thank you Hugh

Let us not forget Mr. McCourt's:

'Blessed art thou, a monk swimming'


Jack

For years I prayed to the Virgin Mary to: "turn thy knives of mercy upon me" (thine eyes...). Rather a brutal request, really.

"turn thy knives of mercy upon me"


Wonderful! Brutal, yes, but it would fit right in with the refiner's fire and all the piercing imagery in Catholic liturgy.

(Pun not intended, but allowed to stand.)

My kids, when little were having a marriage rehearsal. I overheard the 'minister' asking - 'Do you take this woman to be your awful wedded wife'

CORRECTION to posting above:

Peter Cushing's mother-in-law was SWEDISH, not Russian. Here's another gem of hers.

Peter made his wife a pair of earrings. His mother-in-law loved them. She searched for words to describe their loveliness and finally said, "They are . . . WORTHLESS!"

It's a small step from words to language in a more general sense. Some of you may be interested in the BBC style guide which may be found at:

[www.bbctraining.co.uk] />
[www.bbctraining.co.uk]

It's funny (and embarrassing) how words get mixed up in translation. I invited a visiting european work colleage to dinner recently and took great care with the meal i prepared. The next day he told everyone at work "I saw the food that she had made; then i was ravished."

Maybe they were the three blind mice?

pam

ggggggggg

Thank You,
I learned something today.
A comic example comes to mind.
Damon Wayons in the old show "In Living Color"
played it to the hilt as a guy in a jail cell trying to impress the other inmates.

[hometown.aol.com]

Thank You,
I learned something today.
A comic example comes to mind.
Damon Wayons in the old show "In Living Color"
played it to the hilt as a guy in a jail cell trying to impress the other inmates.

[hometown.aol.com]

How come nobody bumps oldies on this forum?

Jack, I've bumped a few, but the conversations here are often topical and spontaneous. They do not lend themselves as well to recollection because there is no single focusing topic usually, like a poem, which there is on the USP.


Les

Jack I'm surprised at rereading this thread that only one person mentioned Spoonerisms:

[pub124.ezboard.com] />

He was a classic palamoprist.

Les



Post Edited (10-21-04 20:21)

a few from my mom

he smokes like a fish

there's a rabbi alert...some of the squirrels are rabbis

those poor people in Ethiopia look so emancipated

and from mom-inlaw

our raise is supposed to be radioactive

pick up some montgomery jack cheese on the way home

another from Mom ala the Andrews Sisters:

My Dear Mister Shane
Please let me explain
My Dear Mister Shane
means you are grand !

Speaking of spooners, see this other old thread, where the good Reverend is suspected of pinching the idea from Mount Carrowsky.

[tinyurl.com]

Another marrowsky/spoonerism that i came across recently, in 'And the Ass Saw the Angel' (by Nick Cave) - the local school teacher, "a Goliath amongst the first graders... a tall, intelligent-looking woman with dark eyes and a moustache - the children were quick to spot the aptness of her nominal spoonerism" - Miss Mary Hanley.

r.

Snerk! Reminds me of some (pretty weak) lims I wrote a while back:

The rental car, when it broke down,
Left me stranded, the far side of town.
The map, I had tossed,
So I knew I was lost.
And with naught which my sorrows to drown.

But I noticed the sign that invites,
And decided to take my delights
At a bar on the corner,
Where I thought I might garner
A drink in this town: Tarry Heights.

The tavern was out on the fringe,
And the atmosphere didn't impinge.
When the barkeeper came,
I asked him his name.
And he answered, "I'm called Harry Hinge."

"This here is my Bar that you're in;
The other folks 'round are all kin.
'Cause this is a wake
For my Mary's sweet sake,
And I'm drinkin' a tonic and gin."

He had the bold look of a bully
So I glanced around quickly but fully,
Remarking the fact
That the tavern was packed
With people remarkably woolly.

My interest was piqued right away,
So I told the bartender I'd pay
For his very next snort
At the chance to consort
With the folks I'd begun to survey.

They all were quite hispid and villous,
And I noted their drinks they did swill as
Each told of his life
With Mary's his wife.
(Seems she left, when she found one more pilose.)

The first one I met was a runt,
Who said, as he pushed to the front,
"I was next after Harry
That Mary did marry,
And I'm known by the name, Cary Hunt."

He pointed to one putting coins
In the jukebox, "His homestead adjoins
The old cemetery
Where we're taking our Mary;
You'll like him, our own Larry Hoynes."

Then one who was big as an ox
Walked by, as he pulled up his socks,
And said with a grin,
"Glad to meetcha, new friend;
'Round here, I'm well known - Barry Hocks."

I heard all their stories that night,
Soon learning to always delight
In girls who have fleece
Surrounding their crease
That grows to a very large height.

The evening turned in to a binge,
Yet I still get a bit of a twinge
When thinking of them
And their jointly-shared quim:
The twat they all got, Mary Hinge.

Hugh this is a very funny story, a kind of hair-raiser that smacks of Billy Collins, Rod Serling and Zane Grey all at the same time.

A bar with a crowd full of crazies,
is not for the weak or the lazies.
As you can well see,
it's best not to be
where Tarry has been in the daisies.


Les

It brings to mind the seies of jokes, the only two of which I can remember the punchlines are "the rooster clucks defiance" and "the pygmys are a bunch of cunning runts"

My coworker's seasonal favorite: "Spring up, fall down."


Jack

Johnny, you're skating on the thin end of the tightrope.

malaproprian, solecist, lapsus linguarian

IanB, yes I know I'm flouting with disaster here, but someones got to pick up the ball by the horns

we'd best not be fluting our ignorance.

I am very concerned about apathy

Who cares about apathy?

No one cares about apathy anymore! That's the real problem

"In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is." ---Yogi Berra

"Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?"---Groucho Marx


Les

The trouble with Groucho was, he didn't hang around long enough to find out!