While looking for a poem on modernizing and making easier the english spelling for Europe (with examples of how it should look like), I came accros this poem on:

[news.bbc.co.uk]

I have a spelling checker.
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see.
Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no.
Its very polished in its weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a blessing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.
Each frays comes posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Bee fore a veiling checkers
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we're laks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.
Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.
Now spelling does not phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped words fare as hear.
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.
Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want too please.

Amanda Selvaratnam, UK

Excellent. Hadn't seen that before. Thanks.

luv it, luv it, luv it! much like spell check on my old computer.

cam :)

That is getting copied and printed out for my Composition students! SOOO funny .... thanks for the laugh this morning!!

Patty

When I worked for an social service agency years ago, we had a spell checker that didn't recognize the word HOMELESSNESS, but suggested as a substitute: HORNLESSNESS.

We wondered if we should end our programs dealing with homelessness and address the (apparently) more widespread problem of hornlessness.

There are times when the spell-checker misses,
And fetches the author some hisses.
Like, amorous hours
That become golden showers,
In recalling our passionate pisses.

In my english class we corrected the spelling of that exact same poem...:)

I went singing carols in an old peoples home and the hymnsheet said 'Away in a Manager'!

I remember a report I had to write on the development of an industrial estate. The 'u' on my keyboard didn't always work so the spell check was happy with: 'Only nit one has been completed, the remaining nits will be built by the end of the year'.

bump. Ian's post reminded me of this one.

( [www.emule.co.uk] )

By the way, do you pronounce your name in the british way, or american way?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/14/2006 06:18PM by Desi.

> By the way, do you pronounce your name in the british way, or american way?

Are you asking me, Desi?

I don’t know the difference you're referring to.

In England and Australia, Ian is “EEE-an”, with the first syllable stressed, and the second syllable vowel almost unvoiced (as represented in phonetics by an upsidedown e).

French speakers seem to find it impossible not to say it as one-syllable “Yarn”. Other continental countries say “Yarn”, because they confuse it with the Dutch or German name Jan.

Asians sometimes hazard a guess and say “EYE-un”. Like “iron” with a silent r.

What’s the American version?

Ian

Because of the following from Seinfeld, I thought “EEE-an” was the American way:

ELAINE: You know... I can't wait to get that dress..

CRAIG: Yeah... It should arrive eminently.

ELAINE: Arrive?

CRAIG: Yes! From Milan.

ELAINE: But you said it was in the store!.

CRAIG: No no no We sold out we had to order some more.

ELAINE: But I thought .. Nicole Miller was made.......

CRAIG: (Interrupts) Eeen!!!

IAN: Hey Craig.

CRAIG: Elaine this is Een.

ELAINE: Hi E-an

IAN: Een..

ELAINE: E-an

CRAIG: Een... He's a friend a mine from England

IAN: (word missing) What are doing?

CRAIG: I'm working at the Andover shop actually....You should come by. I'll get you a great discount.

IAN: Maybe I will. Nice meeting you.

ELAINE: Oh..Nice to meet you.

CRAIG: Bye

IAN: ..Cheery-o

ELAINE: Bye Eeeen.

LOL

I've only ever encountered "Eeen" from charmingly friendly and untutored young ladies of unidentifiable foreign background and accent. Sadly not often enough to make me think to include that version in my earlier list.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/15/2006 08:21AM by IanB.

One that the spell checker would let through is this gem I once saw in a Hong Kong tourist brochure: 'For spectacle of scenery and magnificence of music, Chinese opera is unbearable all the world over'.

Where would we be without Spike Milligan:

The ABC
--Spike Milligan

'Twas midnight in the schoolroom
And every desk was shut
When suddenly from the alphabet
Was heard a loud "Tut-Tut!"

Said A to B, "I don't like C;
His manners are a lack.
For all I ever see of C
Is a semi-circular back!"

"I disagree," said D to B,
"I've never found C so.
From where I stand he seems to be
An uncompleted O."

C was vexed, "I'm much perplexed,
You criticise my shape.
I'm made like that, to help spell Cat
And Cow and Cool and Cape."

"He's right" said E; said F, "Whoopee!"
Said G, "'Ip, 'Ip, 'ooray!"
"You're dropping me," roared H to G.
"Don't do it please I pray."

"Out of my way," LL said to K.
"I'll make poor I look ILL."
To stop this stunt J stood in front,
And presto! ILL was JILL.

"U know," said V, "that W
Is twice the age of me.
For as a Roman V is five
I'm half as young as he."

X and Y yawned sleepily,
"Look at the time!" they said.
"Let's all get off to beddy byes."
They did, then "Z-z-z."


Les

and now I can't seem to find where I found that in American English Ian is pronounced as "ai-un" (I as in "my").

Some info on the name:
[www.medievalscotland.org]

[www.infoplease.com]
(this lists both pronunciations, but not stating where one is pronounced as what).

I found out about french pronunciation, as I called my half-french son Iain (eee-un), and we live in France... But, we're educating the french, and they can manage with a bit of effort! But it's very hard for french people to pronounce long and short syllables, as in french all the syllables have the same length.

I've NEVER heard anyone in the US pronounce it Eye-un


However, I recall a spanish-speaker spelling "Brian" as "Brain"

I think I was refused a job at my University's writing center because in a sample of writing I showed, my references page had "Phillipines" instead of the book from the bible "Phillippians".

"For our citizenship is in heaven, from where we also wait for a Savior"

Phillipians 3:20

"I shall return"

Douglas MacArthur 3-11-42


Works for me !

I've NEVER heard anyone in the US pronounce it Eye-un

Maybe not, but it's very close to the way the Welsh pronounce it. They also spell it Ioan or Ieuan.

From Dave Barry:


To their credit, some countries have made a sincere effort to
adopt English as their native language, a good example being England,
but even there you have problems. My wife and I were driving around
England once, and we came to a section called "Wales," which is this
linguistically deformed area that apparently is too poor to afford
vowels. All the road signs look like this:

LLWLNCWNRLLWNWRLLN -- 3 km

It is a tragic sight indeed to see Welsh parents attempting to
sing traditional songs such as "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" to their
children and lapsing into heart-rending silence when they get to the
part about "E-I-E-I-O."

Johnny, I'm told the vowel shortage in Wales is the long term result of Welsh mariners taking their vowels with them in order to sing sea-shanties, but then succumbing to the temptation to trade them for coconuts, women, etc, in the South Seas where place names now look like AEAIAOAUA.





Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/15/2006 08:15PM by IanB.

taking their vowels

I'm sure they took leeks as well

Perhaps they were just too cheap to buy a vowel.

pam